Misunderstood

Recently I had a melt down, after church no less!

It was Sunday morning and we decided to go to the early church service. After church we decided to do a Costco and Sprouts run for our weekly gasoline and groceries. Because we were out of church so early I wanted to go to breakfast. Apparently my husband wasn’t into it so much or so I thought. Little did I know he was trying to find a Cracker Barrel closer to home without telling me but I assumed he expected me to go home and cook breakfast and even though I was wrong, I was angry by the time he got to the restaurant. This was a simple misunderstanding due to a lack of communication. I felt the way I did because I cook most days and I just didn’t want to cook that morning. I was feeling resentful anyway, complaining constantly about wanting to be more active with him but he’s tired when he gets home from work and because I’ve been alone all day, I’m ready to talk, to do anything other than sit around and watch television.

Fast forward to Monday morning, I’m watching the Today show (my morning routine) they had a couple on, the wife and mother Lisa Leonard had written a book after similar experiences in her marriage called “Brave love”. During the interview her first words were “I was so desperately sad and empty, I tried for so long to give and give believing if I could make my husband happy and my kids happy, we would be a happy family, instead I felt like I was disappearing”. She was speaking my heart in that moment in some ways, she said what I had just felt the day before! My mouth hung open in awe of what was happening. God always gives me what I need when I need it and this was no different. I got it! It’s not what is required of me, it’s what my family had come to expect of me, because it’s the way it had always been. I did this to myself, now it’s up to me to make some changes. I just felt taken advantage of is all. Side note, I also just read my little devotional and it’s talking about the same thing😳 “Yet in all things give thanks”. Yes, It’s happening for a reason.

The point I’m trying to make is, you are never alone in how you feel no matter what you are feeling or what you’re going through. Talk to others and you’ll see!

I know I have to get out and do more for myself. My goal is to find more to do outside my home and not depend on my husband to give me purpose since our children are grown and gone. I’m sure he will appreciate it.

Remember, the feeling of isolation and insecurity is real! especially to a stay at home spouse and if these feelings are left unchecked they can destroy even the best relationships.

Ephesians 4:25-27

Ecclesiastes 4:7-12