Tag Archive | problems

Don’t Force It, Be Gentle

I realize that after children, careers and aging together, things will probably never be like they were in the beginning of our relationship but by using positive energy it is easier, I have the power to make subtle changes in any moment. I do things like kiss my husband when he doesn’t expect it, show him affection if I want affection in return and I definitely have learned not to make him responsible for change in our relationship when he doesn’t see a problem with how things are!

Remember, we tend to mirror our parents relationships, so if his dad wasn’t active or affectionate or handy around the house then he might not be either without a gentle nudge from us and whether we like it or not, we do tend to “turn into our parents”

2 Peter 4:8

If we sincerely love one another, that love will cover a multitude of sin (issues)

Practice makes perfect!

Advertisements

Progressing or Disolving

Relationships are difficult enough as it is especially after the newness wears off and it’s what we do in response to the difficulties which come over time that have everything to do with how our relationships either progress or how they dissolve right before our eyes.

Ideally, we should find a person who possesses most of what we want in a mate during the dating process because, Let’s all say it together, “People don’t really change”. For the most part they are who they are going to be and in order for a relationship to survive frustrating times, we must be willing to continue to accept the good and the “not so good”. This includes their appearance, their speech, their beliefs, their bad habits, etc,.

Accept who they are (don’t try to change them, prove them wrong or to make a senseless point over and over again ). I’m speaking from experience!

Appreciate who they are (remind yourself and your partner why you fell in love with them)

Show Affection (kiss,touch and complement)

Be Attentive (be in the moment and listen to one another fully and completely)

Simple put, take on the same mindset you had of them while you were dating. If we focus on the negative that is exactly all we will see and the enemy of every good thing will make sure of it! Focus on the best of them, it will save your relationship.

1 Corinthians 13:4 Love is patient, Love is kind…..

Misunderstood

Recently I had a melt down, after church no less!

It was Sunday morning and we decided to go to the early church service. After church we decided to do a Costco and Sprouts run for our weekly gasoline and groceries. Because we were out of church so early I wanted to go to breakfast. Apparently my husband wasn’t into it so much or so I thought. Little did I know he was trying to find a Cracker Barrel closer to home without telling me but I assumed he expected me to go home and cook breakfast and even though I was wrong, I was angry by the time he got to the restaurant. This was a simple misunderstanding due to a lack of communication. I felt the way I did because I cook most days and I just didn’t want to cook that morning. I was feeling resentful anyway, complaining constantly about wanting to be more active with him but he’s tired when he gets home from work and because I’ve been alone all day, I’m ready to talk, to do anything other than sit around and watch television.

Fast forward to Monday morning, I’m watching the Today show (my morning routine) they had a couple on, the wife and mother Lisa Leonard had written a book after similar experiences in her marriage called “Brave love”. During the interview her first words were “I was so desperately sad and empty, I tried for so long to give and give believing if I could make my husband happy and my kids happy, we would be a happy family, instead I felt like I was disappearing”. She was speaking my heart in that moment in some ways, she said what I had just felt the day before! My mouth hung open in awe of what was happening. God always gives me what I need when I need it and this was no different. I got it! It’s not what is required of me, it’s what my family had come to expect of me, because it’s the way it had always been. I did this to myself, now it’s up to me to make some changes. I just felt taken advantage of is all. Side note, I also just read my little devotional and it’s talking about the same thing😳 “Yet in all things give thanks”. Yes, It’s happening for a reason.

The point I’m trying to make is, you are never alone in how you feel no matter what you are feeling or what you’re going through. Talk to others and you’ll see!

I know I have to get out and do more for myself. My goal is to find more to do outside my home and not depend on my husband to give me purpose since our children are grown and gone. I’m sure he will appreciate it.

Remember, the feeling of isolation and insecurity is real! especially to a stay at home spouse and if these feelings are left unchecked they can destroy even the best relationships.

Ephesians 4:25-27

Ecclesiastes 4:7-12

No Do Overs

As always when I talk to my best friend something comes out of our conversation which helps us both. We always seem to lift one another up that way. This time it was our roles as “Help meets” to our husbands and children and how we sometimes resist that calling because we are just tired. We either do too much for our families (spoil them) or we take on too much outside our households which causes imbalance.

In most cases God did not call us to those “other things” but He did call us to be wives, mothers, and nurturers. It’s not always easy, and yes we do allow life to overwhelm us with things which do not matter as much as our families.

I recently heard a report which said that most young mothers are so overwhelmed with motherhood, they have turned to drinking and taking drugs as a way to cope!

I attribute that to trying to have “It All”, careers social lives as well as the pressure that is “Social media perfect”. We all should know from our own experiences (at times) how long it takes to get that perfect shot, the smile just right, the backdrop just so. We also know that picture portrays a perfectly loving, happy marriage and family, when we know darn well we only smiled for the picture to be taken and went right back to not speaking or yelling at the kids!

You can not be perfect, “No not one” Take the pressure off yourself. Enjoy those babies, and enjoy this time in your life. It’s the only time you have. There are no “Do-overs” so make the best your “Right now”.

When life gets hard remember that you have a “Helper” The Holy Spirit living within you to help you and to strengthen you. Psalms 55:22

“The Storms” of Life

You know when you feel as though everything seems to be going wrong in your life?  Well my husband and I realized the other night, just how much our family has had to endure.

Although the bible tells us to rejoice in troubles, in the natural that seems unrealistic or unachievable until you understand the power of God.  Part of the reason that God allows us to experience sorrows and trials in our lives, is so that we might depend on Him, draw closer to Him, and learn that He is the power which sustains us.  He will  provide for us all that we need at any time in our lives, especially during the trials of life.

All of Gods children go through storms (troubling times), but it is precisely during the “Going through” moments of any crisis, that Gods peace is more evident than ever before.

Just remember that you are “Going through”, not remaing in “The Storm”. 

This too shall pass. 2Corinthians 4:17-18

Romans 12:12  Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.

Check Yourself!

In order to get along with others, we must sometimes be willing to accept constructive Criticisms. Have you heard this saying; “If people in your life who don’t know each other say the same thing about you, then it might be true”. If this is you, try not to become defensive, or frustrated, instead evaluate what is being said about you, and be brutally honest with yourself in the process.

In my house we say “Check yourself”. So when you realize an unflattering truth about yourself, don’t get down about it, instead ask God to help you to change it. I say “Ask God” because we all know when we are wrong for the most part, and we sometimes try to change and we may always seem to fall short, and fall back into those old ways or habits, and they are probably things we don’t even like about ourselves.

Remember, if it were simple, we wouldn’t still be trying to change. The best way to become a better person is by being a loving person, a person who loves enough to change hurtful or harmful ways or bad habits. The change will be for our own good as well as for the good of those who love us and those who are forced to deal with us each and everyday.

Romans 12:17
17Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. 18If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. 19Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord.

Is it really so bad?

Considering the senseless act of hate that took place in Las Vegas, I thought this post would be appropriate.
A tragedy such as this one should cause us to reflect on life differently.  Life is certainly too short to linger in bitterness, anger, unhappiness or disputes.  We must Try not to sweat the small stuff, Forgive quickly and move forward.  Live your best life everyday with the ones you love because the reality is, sickness, disease, tragedy, disaster, and even death can happen suddenly and we almost never expect it,  but we have to deal with it,  so ask yourself, “How would I want to leave things Forever”!!!