Tag Archive | problems

All In


Let’s keep it 100 (real). Marriage is not always easy but the way in which we go through life struggles with spouses has everything to do with how we come out of any situation. It is vitally important that we operate in kindness and understanding.  Put yourself in your spouses position in that moment of confusion (love), show love and compassion (kind), and in most cases (not always), you will get love and compassion in return (humble).

1 Corinthians 13:4 NIV

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.

Marriage is Honorable 

While on a road trip recently ,  my husband was listening to one of his favorite old school CDs when a song (Put it on paper) came on.  It reminded me of something our minister said in his sermon that Sunday .  He talked about how he counseled a couple who were having problems first of all because the man in the relationship didn’t want to get married.  His statement to the minister was, “Why do I need a piece of paper to say I’m committed to a person”.  The minister responded so wisely in my opinion with this statement; He said,  Do you drive, you must have a drivers license.  Do you have a weapon, then you must have a permit to carry it.  Do you fish, then you have to have a fishing license, So if you are willing to obtain a license for all those things, why not love her enough to do the legal and spiritually correct thing and marry her if you are truly committed to her and the relationship???
And just this morning I heard on the morning show why Opra Winfrey said she couldn’t marry long time partner excuses, excuses, excuses!   Bottom line is, don’t allow anyone to devalue you with their selfish excuses or childhood issues and personal hang ups.  If they aren’t willing to do the right thing by you,  they might not be the right person for you.

Hebrews 13:4. Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.

For Peace Sake

I watched a dance show the other night and a couple who were contestants shared candidly about how they had trouble in their relationship, and how it was at that point they had to make a decision whether they were going to work out their relationship or allow their marriage to fail.  They chose to make a conscious effort to stay married each and every day through any bad feelings or misunderstandings in order to work out their differences and make their marriage work.

Sometimes things get so hard in our relationships that we must take extreme measures if we are going to survive together.   I suggest from my own experience that you try to start each day praying together, before the stress of the day begins.  Start each day committing to staying married, committing to working out issues, not arguing, not fighting, not fussing and not sweating the small stuff.  It’s a very intimate moment and it will allow you to hear from the heart of the person you love.

As I said to some good friends yesterday, choose your battles wisely, don’t bicker about every little thing, things that you know deep down in your heart aren’t going to change much, if at all.  Resolve to find a better way to deal with those things for peace sake, and above all remember that God looks over our faults, so let’s learn to be gracious and merciful towards one another as well.

1 Corinthians 3:14, love is patient, love is kind

Roman 12:18, if possible so much as it depends on you, live at peace with one another 

Never Assume Anything

When you love or care for someone, (even if you don’t), and your relationship is not quite what it used to be, DO NOT “ass-u-me” anything.  DO NOT allow the devil to operate in your thoughts or in your life,.  After all,  he is “the father of lies”, confusion, and deception.  He is the author of anything that is wrong (get the picture).

A resolution can be just a conversation away, in most cases.  Don’t allow the fear of rejection,  embarrassment to keep you bound or consumed with negative thoughts towards anyone.

In my experience, if you ask God to help you,  to give you a time to discuss  what’s bothering you or to help you to get to the bottom of a problem,  He will, but you have to be willing to wait for His direction, His guidance,  and not act on  your own.  We have a way of making matters worse when we act on our own. God can soften hearts and open ears to hear exactly what needs to be said and received, in order to resolve an issue.  
“Wait on The Lord and be of good courage, and He will strengthen your heart”  Psalms 27:14

Proverbs 17:14
The beginning of strife is like releasing the water of a dam; Therefore stop contention before a quarrel starts”

Choose your battles

When confronted with the dilemma of being right, or being kind,  choose kindness.   Believe me, there will be other opportunities to make your point  (if it is important enough) without confrontation or dispute. 

Pray for opportunities to resolve disputes, there’s no reason to deal with anything alone.  God is able to do that which we are not quite able to manage on our own.

Proverbs 15:1
A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.

Proverbs 17:14
The beginning of strife is like letting out water,  so quit before the quarrel breaks out.

The “Real” deal

I was watching my favorite morning show when Toni Tennille of the 70’s & 80’s singing duo Captain and Tennille was on the show talking about what we now know was a very unhappy marriage.  The problem was that for the sake of their careers and from the public perception everything seemed fine, they seemed to be happily married!
She recently wrote a book telling how and why the relationship is now over.  She writes that they were married because her mother and their agent wanted it especially after they had a child together, so they did it.  She tells how she was a very happy and affectionate person but her husband was not because of his difficult childhood.  The thing is, she knew this before she said “I do”!  Big mistake!  As I have said many times, people are generally who they are when you meet them.  You can’t change the fabric of who a person truly is.  They are who they are and not likely to change, no matter how hard they may try.  Only God can change us and that is only when we acknowledge we are broken or we recognize we have a problem.

I’m pretty sure I have told you guys before that even in my happy marriage, my husband and I revisit some of the same issues every 6 months or so like clock work, and that’s okay,  that’s how we function because we are very different people.  I love him so much because he has always been willing to work on those things which don’t come as naturally to him as they do to me (affection and social activity).

The moral of this story is, if you are making excuses for them constantly, take the blinders off!   If you are in a relationship with someone who has ways that drive you up a wall or you says things like, “I think they are great” but…  Don’t look over those problems or issues because after they hurt you, you have “great make up sex” (a no no as a Christian anyway), or “they are so good looking” (we look so great together), please don’t be this shallow concerning your life. 

Weigh the pros (happiness, joy) against the cons (unhappiness, pain, disfunction) before you take the leap into what “should be “a life long relationship together, and above all don’t be desperate, don’t allow yourself to be deceived for the sake of having a relationship.

Life is tough enough, but life with someone who is not concerned about your overall happiness and well-being as much as they are with their own,  would be very unhappy and evermore sad knowing you saw all the signs before you committed to it..

Go into every relationship with your eyes wide open.  Ask God to show you those things which you can not see about or in them for yourself.  Ask God to show you all things that may be hidden from you on purpose! If you are honest with yourself, we all know how to put the best of us on display in order to get what we want, don’t we?

Proverbs 12:22
Lying lips are an abomination to the Lord, but those who act faithfully are his delight.

John 8:32
You will know the truth, and the truth will make you free

Give Him your all, God can and He will

It’s the Holidays, and so many of us are dealing with self induced problems. So often we can’t find our way out of situations we’ve gotten ourselves into. In the midst of those problems, we’ve all probably said, “I don’t know what else I can do”. Well, Gods Word says, “Apart from Me, you can do nothing” (John 15:5). Just as a parent desires to keep their child from life’s pitfalls, hurts and pains, our Heavenly Father desires the same for us. We are His workmanship, created in His image. Why not allow the Creator to work out or to work on that situation that seems beyond your control. Just as any parent does, God simply wants your faithfulness and your obedience.

His Word says, “If you remain in Me, and My Word remains in you, you can ask whatever you wish and it shall be done for you” (John 15:7) NIV.

“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Philippians 4:13