Tag Archive | tolerance

Don’t Force It, Be Gentle

I realize that after children, careers and aging together, things will probably never be like they were in the beginning of our relationship but by using positive energy it is easier, I have the power to make subtle changes in any moment. I do things like kiss my husband when he doesn’t expect it, show him affection if I want affection in return and I definitely have learned not to make him responsible for change in our relationship when he doesn’t see a problem with how things are!

Remember, we tend to mirror our parents relationships, so if his dad wasn’t active or affectionate or handy around the house then he might not be either without a gentle nudge from us and whether we like it or not, we do tend to “turn into our parents”

2 Peter 4:8

If we sincerely love one another, that love will cover a multitude of sin (issues)

Practice makes perfect!

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Progressing or Disolving

Relationships are difficult enough as it is especially after the newness wears off and it’s what we do in response to the difficulties which come over time that have everything to do with how our relationships either progress or how they dissolve right before our eyes.

Ideally, we should find a person who possesses most of what we want in a mate during the dating process because, Let’s all say it together, “People don’t really change”. For the most part they are who they are going to be and in order for a relationship to survive frustrating times, we must be willing to continue to accept the good and the “not so good”. This includes their appearance, their speech, their beliefs, their bad habits, etc,.

Accept who they are (don’t try to change them, prove them wrong or to make a senseless point over and over again ). I’m speaking from experience!

Appreciate who they are (remind yourself and your partner why you fell in love with them)

Show Affection (kiss,touch and complement)

Be Attentive (be in the moment and listen to one another fully and completely)

Simple put, take on the same mindset you had of them while you were dating. If we focus on the negative that is exactly all we will see and the enemy of every good thing will make sure of it! Focus on the best of them, it will save your relationship.

1 Corinthians 13:4 Love is patient, Love is kind…..

Change is Good

Marriage requires a certain level of maturity as well as a lot of self control.  It has not always been present in my marriage but it is what has kept us together for all these years.  Once we both learned to choose our battles and not wear our feelings on our shirt sleeve, things got much easier .  Now don’t get me wrong, real process takes some of us longer than others and to be honest, we may never really master it but if we get the basic premise of love and unselfish behavior down, life tends to change dramatically.

One of my local gospel personalities said, “Pride makes excuses but maturity makes adjustments”.  Oh my goodness!  How many times have you made an excuse for behaving badly towards one another?  Well, maturity keeps you working at doing what is right, and less likely responding in anger, and definitely not intentionally being hurtful.  Here’s the thing, we can not sustain change without Gods help and strength to working in us, no matter how badly we really want to, it’s hard and we must always check our motives for the change. Now ask yourself, “Have I asked God to help me to change for me?  “Do I really even want to change” then once you identify your reason for wanting change, go to your Heavenly Father, ask Him to help you with the process, ask Him to help you to love one another just as He loves us, unconditionally.    Now all you have to do is start behaving in love as you continue to pray for Gods help to sustain the change in you.

Remember, you may fail a few times before you get it, but “Practice makes perfect and you will know when you have matured beyond your own ability because you will start to give more of yourself than you may be receiving without much effort at all, you may walk away from confrontations instead of speaking in anger, and most things that angered you in the past may even become comical because The Holy Spirit will help you to see how childish some reactions really are.

“Love (charity) starts at home and then spreads abroad”

Misunderstood

Recently I had a melt down, after church no less!

It was Sunday morning and we decided to go to the early church service. After church we decided to do a Costco and Sprouts run for our weekly gasoline and groceries. Because we were out of church so early I wanted to go to breakfast. Apparently my husband wasn’t into it so much or so I thought. Little did I know he was trying to find a Cracker Barrel closer to home without telling me but I assumed he expected me to go home and cook breakfast and even though I was wrong, I was angry by the time he got to the restaurant. This was a simple misunderstanding due to a lack of communication. I felt the way I did because I cook most days and I just didn’t want to cook that morning. I was feeling resentful anyway, complaining constantly about wanting to be more active with him but he’s tired when he gets home from work and because I’ve been alone all day, I’m ready to talk, to do anything other than sit around and watch television.

Fast forward to Monday morning, I’m watching the Today show (my morning routine) they had a couple on, the wife and mother Lisa Leonard had written a book after similar experiences in her marriage called “Brave love”. During the interview her first words were “I was so desperately sad and empty, I tried for so long to give and give believing if I could make my husband happy and my kids happy, we would be a happy family, instead I felt like I was disappearing”. She was speaking my heart in that moment in some ways, she said what I had just felt the day before! My mouth hung open in awe of what was happening. God always gives me what I need when I need it and this was no different. I got it! It’s not what is required of me, it’s what my family had come to expect of me, because it’s the way it had always been. I did this to myself, now it’s up to me to make some changes. I just felt taken advantage of is all. Side note, I also just read my little devotional and it’s talking about the same thing😳 “Yet in all things give thanks”. Yes, It’s happening for a reason.

The point I’m trying to make is, you are never alone in how you feel no matter what you are feeling or what you’re going through. Talk to others and you’ll see!

I know I have to get out and do more for myself. My goal is to find more to do outside my home and not depend on my husband to give me purpose since our children are grown and gone. I’m sure he will appreciate it.

Remember, the feeling of isolation and insecurity is real! especially to a stay at home spouse and if these feelings are left unchecked they can destroy even the best relationships.

Ephesians 4:25-27

Ecclesiastes 4:7-12

“The Storms” of Life

You know when you feel as though everything seems to be going wrong in your life?  Well my husband and I realized the other night, just how much our family has had to endure.

Although the bible tells us to rejoice in troubles, in the natural that seems unrealistic or unachievable until you understand the power of God.  Part of the reason that God allows us to experience sorrows and trials in our lives, is so that we might depend on Him, draw closer to Him, and learn that He is the power which sustains us.  He will  provide for us all that we need at any time in our lives, especially during the trials of life.

All of Gods children go through storms (troubling times), but it is precisely during the “Going through” moments of any crisis, that Gods peace is more evident than ever before.

Just remember that you are “Going through”, not remaing in “The Storm”. 

This too shall pass. 2Corinthians 4:17-18

Romans 12:12  Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.

Change is Good

Marriage requires a certain level of maturity as well as a lot of self control.  It has not always been present in my marriage but it is what has kept us together for all these years.  Once we both learned to choose our battles and not wear our feelings on our shirt sleeve, things got much easier .  Now don’t get me wrong, real process takes some of us longer than others and to be honest, we may never really master it but if we get the basic premise of love and unselfish behavior down, life tends to change dramatically.

One of my local gospel personalities said, “Pride makes excuses but maturity makes adjustments”.  Oh my goodness!  How many times have you made an excuse for behaving badly towards one another?  Well, maturity keeps you working at doing what is right, and less likely responding in anger, and definitely not intentionally being hurtful.  Here’s the thing, we can not sustain change without Gods help and strength to change us, no matter how badly we really want to, it’s hard and we must always check our motives for the change.  

Ask yourself, “Have I asked God to help me to change for me?  “Do I really even want to change” then once you identify your reason for wanting change, go to your Heavenly Father, ask Him to help you with the process, ask Him to help you to love one another just as He loves us, unconditionally.    Now all you have to do is start behaving in love as you continue to pray for Gods help to sustain the change in you.

Remember, you may fail a few times before you get it, but “Practice makes perfect and you will know when you have matured beyond your own ability because you will start to give more of yourself than you may be receiving without much effort at all, you may walk away from confrontations instead of speaking in anger, and most things that angered you in the past may even become comical because The Holy Spirit will help you to see how childish some reactions really are.

“Love (charity) starts at home and then spreads abroad”

I Apologize

So, I recall a while back being very impatient with my husband, you know how we get and I may have been nagging him and complaining a lot about little things such as him sucking his teeth after a meal instead of getting a tooth pick or getting totally “bent out of shape” about how he always finds a way not to be wrong no matter what!!

Well!  On that particular Sunday as we got in the car the radio DJ spoke as if he were speaking directly to us, “If you are happy with 90% of your spouses behavior then why not see the other 10% as being under construction”.  In other words deal with him with the same measure of grace that our Lord deals with you daily! When we got to church the Pastor in his sermon said as if he heard from God on our behalf, “If your passion is not your spouse, being with them, meeting all their needs, then you are missing the mark”. I knew God had spoken to both of us in the span of one hour, and we both heard Him loud and clear.

We quietly committed to change some things with Gods help.

1 Peter 4:8

Above all love each other deeply because love covers over a multitude of sin (flaws)