Tag Archive | anger

All In

Let’s keep it 100 (real). Marriage is not always easy but the way in which we go through life struggles with spouses has everything to do with how we come out of any situation. It is vitally important that we operate in kindness and understanding.  Put yourself in your spouses position in that moment of confusion (love), show love and compassion (kind), and in most cases (not always), you will get love and compassion in return (humble).

1 Corinthians 13:4 NIV

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.

It’s a marriage not a competition 

When People of faith get married, the Bible says “we become one body” in the site of God.  Being “One” means, We win together or We lose together!  Nothing is just about us as individuals any longer.  

Let’s learn to work together, save together, cook together,  clean the house together, conversate together, live, love and laugh together, and even cry together.  That’s what growing together is!  It’s not how much more or less than you, “I can do”.  Do unto others as we would have them do unto us” Luke 6:31.  We don’t hold back or hold out on ourselves, do we! We do the best we can for us, so if we are truly “One”, act like it.  Selfishness begets selfishness.

Mark 12:31,  “Love your neighbor (that includes your spouse) as yourself.   For there is no greater commandment”.

 You Vowed to Love, Honor, and Obey (Cherish) 🤔

Then why do you think it’s so hard sometimes to be patient, to smile or to even speak kind words to the person who you stood before God and in the presence of witnesses, and pledged (vowed) to love,  honor,  and cherish, “till death us do part”.

Maybe this is you, and maybe you’ve attempted to change in the past but sadly find yourself always falling back into your old ways of anger,  hostility, intolerance, or even impoliteness.   Paul (the writer of  Romans) says,  “When I would do good,  evil is always present”.   This scripture is proof that we need God to help us with our behavior as well as lifes challenges which we are not capable of overcoming of our own strength. I have a solution!!    Why not Ask God!!. He made you,   He knows your every weakness, strength and  your hearts desire to be a better you.  Think about it, we tend to pray about everything else that seems to be of importantance to us, why not our relationship problems, our bad habits, and especially childhood issues which we haven’t yet resolved.  If not resolve, overcome, or controlled, they will truly reak havoc on a relationship in adulthood.

Now please understand,  a change can never take place if you don’t recognize that you are guilty of any of these behaviors. My prayer for you, is that you are first honest enough to recognize the truth about yourself, and from this day forward you would at least treat one another with the common courtesy and the respect you may show to your coworkers, and even complete strangers!   We all have do it!   I’ve been guilty of the same behavior myself, but thank God for allowing me to see my own flaws and then I correct myself.

Don’t put it off,  start by pledging not to leave your home another day, and allow yourself to treat coworkers, associates or even perfect strangers better than the person you vowed to love, honor and cherish!   Practice better behavior, speaking kindly, softly, and lovingly.  

Our mission above all in marriage should be, to love each other as Christ loved the church and gave His life for it.  

1.  Love flows through a marriage which lives up to mutual responsibility and respect. Love is not self seeking, it’s not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrong doings. (1 Corinthians 13:5)

2.  Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind one to another, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake has forgiven you. (Ephesians 4:31-32)

3.  “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” (Philippians 4:13)

Never Assume Anything

When you love or care for someone, (even if you don’t), and your relationship is not quite what it used to be, DO NOT “ass-u-me” anything.  DO NOT allow the devil to operate in your thoughts or in your life,.  After all,  he is “the father of lies”, confusion, and deception.  He is the author of anything that is wrong (get the picture).

A resolution can be just a conversation away, in most cases.  Don’t allow the fear of rejection,  embarrassment to keep you bound or consumed with negative thoughts towards anyone.

In my experience, if you ask God to help you,  to give you a time to discuss  what’s bothering you or to help you to get to the bottom of a problem,  He will, but you have to be willing to wait for His direction, His guidance,  and not act on  your own.  We have a way of making matters worse when we act on our own. God can soften hearts and open ears to hear exactly what needs to be said and received, in order to resolve an issue.  
“Wait on The Lord and be of good courage, and He will strengthen your heart”  Psalms 27:14

Proverbs 17:14
The beginning of strife is like releasing the water of a dam; Therefore stop contention before a quarrel starts”

Oh, Grow Up!

Marriage requires a certain level of maturity as well as self control.  It has not always been present in my marriage but it is what has kept us together for all these years.  Once we learned to choose our battles and “me” not wear my feelings on my shirt sleeve, things got much easier .  Now don’t get me wrong, it’s a process which takes some of us longer than others and you may never really master it but, if  and when you get the basic premise of love and unselfish behavior, life changes dramatically.  

Recently, while on our way to midweek bible study, a local gospel personality said, “Pride makes excuses but maturity makes adjustments”.  Oh my goodness!  How many times have you made an excuse to behave badly towards oneanother.   Maturity keeps you working at doing what is right, not responding in anger, and not ententionally being hurtful. 

 During  the bible study our minister addressed why we try to change and fail, time and time again.   “We can not sustain change without Gods strength to help us, and most importantly, we must check our motives.  Is it for me or is it for someone else, so ask yourself, “Did I ask God to help me to change for me?  “Do I really even want to change”? Once you identify your reason, go to your Heavenly Father and ask Him to help you with this process, ask Him to help you to love oneanother just as He loves you, unconditionally.    Now all you have to do is start behaving in love as you continue to pray for His strength to sustain that change.  You may fail a few times before you get it, but practice makes perfect.   You will know when you have matured beyond your own ability because you start to give more of yourself than you may be receiving.   Without much effort,  you walk away from confrontations instead of speaking in anger, and things that angered you in the past may even become comical  because, with Gods help, you now see how childish some reactions really are. .

“Love (charity) starts at home and then spreads abroad” Sir Thomas Browne.  

Promise keepers

I tell people all the time that I never liked sports growing up but my husband was a football player when I met him.  It was his life at that time.  I had to learn to deal with it because, it was really the only way I could get some quality time with my sports fanatic man.  I learned to understand what was going on enough by asking him what certain calls meant from the umpire, or the referee, he would give me answers and continue to engage me during those hours of the game (smart right).

I said all that to say this.   I was watching the story of a coach turned Pastor, Coach Bill McCartney a college football coach, and the founder of “The Promise Keepers”.  His core message was and still is, fidelity in marriage by reaching men and husbands all around America with what the bible has to say about marriage, love, family, and relationships.  Although he was used by God, he was not perfect, he cheated on his wife and confessed it to her in order to be forgiven completely by God as well as his wife.  It took a great tole on his wife and his marriage but they eventually worked through it.  Coach McCartney made a statement  I felt I had to share with you,  he said “The true character of a man shows in the countenance of his wife, because everything he has invested in her will show in her face”, and I add, it will show in the way she responds to him as a husband and a father.  Coach McCartney also said,  “God has mandated that every man should bring his wife to spender in Jesus Christ”.  That speaks to a God loving man who leads his family spiritually.

Now, I don’t claim to have a perfect marriage, as a matter of fact I challenge you to find one that is but when I look at my husband and my marriage,  I thank God because I see a Godly man, a man who is not perfect but puts me and his family first always, one who truly cares about how I feel.  He is not college educated but gifted by God with wisdom beyond most, and one who has more common sense than anyone I’ve ever known.  He can see the beginning to the end of just about any situation.  That’s certainly a gift and I believe the reason why he excelled in his 29 year Naval career and continues to even after retirement.

 Husbands love your wife as Christ loved the church and gave his life for her” Ephesians 5:25

Family Reunion Time

Well it’s that time of year again when Family Reunions are taking place and we prepare to spend time with family and friends we don’t see on a regular basis. Put a smile on your face, pray for patience; because it can be quite trying at times, so think about it this way; We deal with different personalities (spirits) each and everyday at work, church, play and even at the grocery store and we manage to show patience and kindness most of the time even if it’s not genuine. We must learn to never extend more courteousness, thoughtfulness or consideration to any one person more than another especially those of the household of faith Galations 6:10.

I taught my family this rule; “You had better never leave my house and show more patience and kindness to anyone more than you do to your family at home”. “Love starts at home and spreads abroad” 1Timothy 5:8.  If it is an issue from years past with a family member or friend that you are still dealing with, You are grown now, why not deal with that issue like an adult once and for all. If you are not going to confront the issue because you are good with it (you think) then act like it and function in the same capacity you would with a co-worker, associate or friend. With kindness!

Nothing that causes you to avoid or to mistreat another human being is worth holding on to.  Search yourself and if you just can’t seem to let that thing go, be honest with yourself, are you using it as an excuse to act badly towards someone or are you seeking attention or sympathy from others. Remember that God knows all and He sees everything,. We will be judged by our actions and we will give in account for our wrong, period! God gave His only Son for the forgiveness of your and my sins so why do we have the right to hold on to anything against anyone?

Now, as we all prepare to be with family and friends, pray and ask God to help you to be kind and show love. He looks over our faults everyday and still gives us grace and mercy. Try doing the same.