Marriage requires a certain level of maturity as well as self control. It has not always been present in my marriage but it is what has kept us together for all these years. Once we both learned to choose our battles and not wear our feelings on our shirt sleeve, things got much easier . Now don’t get me wrong, it is a real process which takes some of us longer than others and to be honest, we may never really master it but if we get the basic premise of love and unselfish behavior mastered, life tends to change dramatically.
Recently one of my favorite local gospel personalities said, “Pride makes excuses but maturity makes adjustments”. Oh my goodness! How many times have you made an excuse for behaving badly towards one another? Well, maturity keeps you working at doing what is right, and less likely from responding in anger, and definitely not intentionally being hurtful. Here’s the thing, we can not sustain change without Gods strength to help us, no matter how bad we really want to it’s hard and we must always check our motives for the change. Ask yourself, “Did I ask God to help me to change for me? “Do I really even want to change” and once you identify your reason for change then go to your Heavenly Father and ask Him to help you with this process, ask Him to help you to love one another just as He loves you, unconditionally. Now all you have to do is start behaving in love as you continue to pray for Gods strength to sustain that change in you.
You may fail a few times before you get it, but “Practice makes perfect“. You will know when you have matured beyond your own ability because you will start to give more of yourself than you may be receiving. Without much effort, you walk away from confrontations instead of speaking in anger, and most things that angered you in the past may even become comical. because Gods help, you now see how childish some reactions really are.
“Love (charity) starts at home and then spreads abroad” Sir Thomas Browne.
Over a year or so ago, I asked you to help us pray for healing from cancer for my friend Elise. God did just that, He healed her to the point that cancer was almost non existent in her body. Well the cancer has come back and has spread to other parts of Elise’s body. We believe that her healing will be on this side of life, so I ask all of you to stand with us in prayer for Elise and her healing. Please pray as specific as she has requested below, and we will give God praise for “He is still healing”. Please pray for a miracle in the life of this young woman and her family. Elise has 5 year old twins and a wonderful husband. She is a twin herself and has a fully devoted family as well as friends standing united in prayer and faith along side her. Please stand with us in believing for her healing on this side of life, in the name of Jesus Christ our Savior and Lord.
While on a road trip recently , my husband was listening to one of his favorite old school CDs when a song (Put it on paper) came on. It reminded me of something our minister said in his sermon that Sunday . He talked about how he counseled a couple who were having problems first of all because the man in the relationship didn’t want to get married. His statement to the minister was, “Why do I need a piece of paper to say I’m committed to a person”. The minister responded so wisely in my opinion with this statement; He said, Do you drive, you must have a drivers license. Do you have a weapon, then you must have a permit to carry it. Do you fish, then you have to have a fishing license, So if you are willing to obtain a license for all those things, why not love her enough to do the legal and spiritually correct thing and marry her if you are truly committed to her and the relationship???
And just this morning I heard on the morning show why Opra Winfrey said she couldn’t marry long time partner excuses, excuses, excuses! Bottom line is, don’t allow anyone to devalue you with their selfish excuses or childhood issues and personal hang ups. If they aren’t willing to do the right thing by you, they might not be the right person for you.
Hebrews 13:4. Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.
When People of faith get married, the Bible says “we become one body” in the site of God. Being “One” means, We win together or We lose together! Nothing is just about us as individuals any longer.
Let’s learn to work together, save together, cook together, clean the house together, conversate together, live, love and laugh together, and even cry together. That’s what growing together is! It’s not how much more or less than you, “I can do”. Do unto others as we would have them do unto us” Luke 6:31. We don’t hold back or hold out on ourselves, do we! We do the best we can for us, so if we are truly “One”, act like it. Selfishness begets selfishness.
Mark 12:31, “Love your neighbor (that includes your spouse) as yourself. For there is no greater commandment”.
I watched a dance show the other night and a couple who were contestants shared candidly about how they had trouble in their relationship, and how it was at that point they had to make a decision whether they were going to work out their relationship or allow their marriage to fail. They chose to make a conscious effort to stay married each and every day through any bad feelings or misunderstandings in order to work out their differences and make their marriage work.
Sometimes things get so hard in our relationships that we must take extreme measures if we are going to survive together. Isuggest from my own experience that you try to start each day praying together, before the stress of the day begins. Start each day committing to staying married, committing to working out issues, not arguing, not fighting, not fussing and not sweating the small stuff. It’s a very intimate moment and it will allow you to hear from the heart of the person you love.
As I said to some good friends yesterday, choose your battles wisely, don’t bicker about every little thing, things that you know deep down in your heart aren’t going to change much, if at all. Resolve to find a better way to deal with those things for peace sake, and above all remember that God looks over our faults, so let’s learn to be gracious and merciful towards one another as well.
1 Corinthians 3:14, love is patient, love is kind
Roman 12:18, if possible so much as it depends on you, live at peace with one another
I am using an snippet from a fellow blogger (Loftspeaker1) who’s definitely got it right in my humble opinion when it comes to wives (or husbands) who long for more affection, that “New love” type of affection in their marriage again.
If there’s still a longing for romance bottle up inside you (because it’s almost nonexistent) , let that energy flow from inside you. Instead of wondering “Where is the love”, let it pour out of you back into your marriage again. SHOW your spouse what you need just like you used to. Let the romance you show them be the model of what you’d like shown back to you. Plan a romantic getaway, write them some love notes (be graphic), make candlelit dinners just for them. Let it be an ongoing building up of romance, excitement and expectation of what your plans are for them. They’ll be wondering what you’re going to do next and will hopefully use your acts/ ideas as a model for when they try to do a little something romantic for you next time.
Hebrews 13:4-6 “Marriage is honorable in all, and the marriage bed undefiled”
So, go get your sexy, spicey hot relationship back, there’s nothing holding you back but you, and remember this, “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again”. Do Not give up if it fails the first time.
My husband and I regularly reflect on our lives together. We certainly realize how differently our lives could have been if we had not met, fallen in love, gotten married, and stayed married. It’s important to express to one another how much we appreciate each other for being supportive throughout our lives together with all of its crooks, and turns.
The thing is, life is largely what we make of it. You have more control over your future than you realize. Trusting God, and living a life of obedience to His Word is the beginning of joy, peace, and happiness, and success
God’s Word promises us so much, Her only asks for our obedience to His word.
“If you abide in Me and My Word abides in you, you can ask whatever you will, and it shall be given unto you” (John 15:7).
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future”. (Jeremiah 29:11)