While on a road trip recently , my husband was listening to one of his favorite old school CDs when a song (Put it on paper) came on. It reminded me of something our minister said in his sermon that Sunday . He talked about how he counseled a couple who were having problems first of all because the man in the relationship didn’t want to get married. His statement to the minister was, “Why do I need a piece of paper to say I’m committed to a person”. The minister responded so wisely in my opinion with this statement; He said, Do you drive, you must have a drivers license. Do you have a weapon, then you must have a permit to carry it. Do you fish, then you have to have a fishing license, So if you are willing to obtain a license for all those things, why not love her enough to do the legal and spiritually correct thing and marry her if you are truly committed to her and the relationship???
And just this morning I heard on the morning show why Opra Winfrey said she couldn’t marry long time partner excuses, excuses, excuses! Bottom line is, don’t allow anyone to devalue you with their selfish excuses or childhood issues and personal hang ups. If they aren’t willing to do the right thing by you, they might not be the right person for you.
Hebrews 13:4. Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.
When People of faith get married, the Bible says “we become one body” in the site of God. Being “One” means, We win together or We lose together! Nothing is just about us as individuals any longer.
Let’s learn to work together, save together, cook together, clean the house together, conversate together, live, love and laugh together, and even cry together. That’s what growing together is! It’s not how much more or less than you, “I can do”. Do unto others as we would have them do unto us” Luke 6:31. We don’t hold back or hold out on ourselves, do we! We do the best we can for us, so if we are truly “One”, act like it. Selfishness begets selfishness.
Mark 12:31, “Love your neighbor (that includes your spouse) as yourself. For there is no greater commandment”.
I watched a dance show the other night and a couple who were contestants shared candidly about how they had trouble in their relationship, and how it was at that point they had to make a decision whether they were going to work out their relationship or allow their marriage to fail. They chose to make a conscious effort to stay married each and every day through any bad feelings or misunderstandings in order to work out their differences and make their marriage work.
Sometimes things get so hard in our relationships that we must take extreme measures if we are going to survive together. Isuggest from my own experience that you try to start each day praying together, before the stress of the day begins. Start each day committing to staying married, committing to working out issues, not arguing, not fighting, not fussing and not sweating the small stuff. It’s a very intimate moment and it will allow you to hear from the heart of the person you love.
As I said to some good friends yesterday, choose your battles wisely, don’t bicker about every little thing, things that you know deep down in your heart aren’t going to change much, if at all. Resolve to find a better way to deal with those things for peace sake, and above all remember that God looks over our faults, so let’s learn to be gracious and merciful towards one another as well.
1 Corinthians 3:14, love is patient, love is kind
Roman 12:18, if possible so much as it depends on you, live at peace with one another
I am using an snippet from a fellow blogger (Loftspeaker1) who’s definitely got it right in my humble opinion when it comes to wives (or husbands) who long for more affection, that “New love” type of affection in their marriage again.
If there’s still a longing for romance bottle up inside you (because it’s almost nonexistent) , let that energy flow from inside you. Instead of wondering “Where is the love”, let it pour out of you back into your marriage again. SHOW your spouse what you need just like you used to. Let the romance you show them be the model of what you’d like shown back to you. Plan a romantic getaway, write them some love notes (be graphic), make candlelit dinners just for them. Let it be an ongoing building up of romance, excitement and expectation of what your plans are for them. They’ll be wondering what you’re going to do next and will hopefully use your acts/ ideas as a model for when they try to do a little something romantic for you next time.
Hebrews 13:4-6 “Marriage is honorable in all, and the marriage bed undefiled”
So, go get your sexy, spicey hot relationship back, there’s nothing holding you back but you, and remember this, “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again”. Do Not give up if it fails the first time.
My husband and I regularly reflect on our lives together. We certainly realize how differently our lives could have been if we had not met, fallen in love, gotten married, and stayed married. It’s important to express to one another how much we appreciate each other for being supportive throughout our lives together with all of its crooks, and turns.
The thing is, life is largely what we make of it. You have more control over your future than you realize. Trusting God, and living a life of obedience to His Word is the beginning of joy, peace, and happiness, and success
God’s Word promises us so much, Her only asks for our obedience to His word.
“If you abide in Me and My Word abides in you, you can ask whatever you will, and it shall be given unto you” (John 15:7).
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future”. (Jeremiah 29:11)
My mom told me early in my marriage, “Don’t start anything with your husband that you don’t plan on doing for the rest of your lives together”. Boy, was she right! recently while pampering my husband, as I so often do, I remembered mama’s words, I smiled at my memory of her. I also remembered how great her and my dads relationship was when we were growing up (that’s where I learned).
Recently my husband and I left home for church services at 7:30 am. We went to brunch after two services, then we dropped by the house to change clothes and kept going because I wanted a couple of things. We shopped a little, and just hung out and talked. 12 hours from the time we left home that morning, we were on our way back home from a very full day. Now you have to understand that my husband loves being at home and relaxing, and he hates to shop, But! He did it, and he was patient and generous with his time and $$. Maybe he did it, knowing what he wanted, I’m not sure, but because he was so generous with me, he got his nails done, and his face groomed and yes, I was happy to oblige.
Quid pro quo, Tit for tat, call it what you want, but I call it love and happiness done my way. As my granddaughter says, “Try it, you might like it”.
In everything, do for others as you would have them do for you, Mattew 7:12
Marriage as God has ordained it is under attack. Anyone living in America these days and times can see this. Just today, because I was not on schedule to minister at my church, I decided to visit a church in my community. What a wonderful decision. The greeting I received as soon as I walked through the doors of this lovely worship center was so sweet. I was very impressed with how organized, inviting and estetically pleasing it was. Praise and worship service was wonderful although a little long. When the pastor took the pulpit, I thought to myself “finally”. After greeting the congregation, He asked that all the small children be escorted to children’s church because there would be some very adult content of which children should not hear. Boy was he right! This was one of the most explicit sermons or should I say lectures I have ever been privealedge to be a part of, not to speak of during a Sunday morning church service.
This minister understands that in order to keep a marriage opperating correctly, the marriage must remain fresh, exciting and yes, sexual. He spoke about our bodies not being our own, not withholding sex, as well as how his eleven year younger wife cares for him and how she cares for herself, making sure to always be pleasing to her husband and he to her. He even talked about what he had to do to maintain his libido as a man of fifty plus years may not be as sexual as he once was (hormones for men), yep! He spoke about men being selfish lovers and how a man can sometimes find a wife with most of what he wants in a partner but that he has the ability to help make her into the wife he desires even more through loving, honoring and respecting her. If you have read anything I have written in the past, you know I agreed with that!!
This was stuff you may not even hear in marriage retreats or conferences being discussed openly in church on Sunday morning. Although refreshing, it was a little embarrassing at times because it was so “RAW”. He was not out of order because it was well received by his congregation as there was a Q and A session afterwards and the response was overwhelmingly supportive and positive. The pastor declared that it would not be the last time he covered this topic because the church is made up of single people who want to be married, married couples struggling and families in distress. The church must address the issue of divorce in the church.
Communication, Healthy finance, Romance and Sex is what makes a marriage healthy, and when the marriage is healthy, the family is healthy.