Tag Archive | communicate

The Work Of Marriage

My hope in posting this blog is to help new marriages, relationships and maybe even those who have weathered the storms of life for many years and can identify with mine. I will be sharing my own marriage experiences, the good, the bad and some times the ugly. I will add, with Gods help we haven’t had many “ugly” situations and for that I am humbly thankful to God.

As a now 60 year old woman who loves God and the man He sent my way almost 39 years ago, I hope to encourage you all to “Hang in there” get through your issues and understand YOU ARE NOT ALONE, with real talk and Gods word. The Bible declares “There is nothing new under the sun”, someone somewhere is, has or will go through the same thing you are going through right now.

The work of Marriage, if it is to survive is ongoing, ever changing and requires flexibility. Just as you grow and change emotional, intellectually, and even physically, so do your relationships.

It has always been funny (not ha ha) to me how we are more inclined to be available, kind and more forgiving to a friend and even a stranger than we are likely to be with our spouses. Yes, the person we vowed before God, our family and our friends to “love, honor and cherish, till death do us part”. Think on that one for a little bit.

Real talk ladies and gentleman, along with scripture to encourage you, that’s what this blog is all about.

If my blog is a blessing to you, take a moment to share it with your friends, family and co-workers. Talk to others about what you get from it and share the link so that others will get the same encouragement.

Romans 12:13

“Share with the Lords people and practice hospitality”. Yep! That’s in the Bible.

I will also share some of my quick, healthy and easy recipes because I know what a chore cooking can be

Air fried or oven baked Eggplant

Slice eggplant about 1/2 inch,

Lay them on flat surface, sprinkle with salt, cover with paper towel for about 30 minutes to 1 hour

in a bowl beat 2 eggs

In a separate bowl mix

1/2 cup Italian bread crumbs

1/2 cup grated Parmesan cheese

1/2 Teaspoon smoked paprika

1/2 teaspoon oregano

Salt n pepper to taste

Dip eggplant in egg bath then cover well in bread crumbs mixture both sides, place on baking rack or baking sheet (sprayed with cooking oil). Spray the top of each eggplant with cooking oil and bake for about 15-20 in air fryer. Oven baked 400 degrees about 30 minutes until golden brown

On the same rack or baking sheet add whatever kind of cheese you like (I used feta) to one side of eggplant, add marinara and repeat. I topped with fresh basil from my herb garden. I kept them plain, sprinkled with feta cheese and topped with basil for my husband.

They are amazing

Racism, Hatred, Bigotry

No matter what the title we put on it, treating another human being less than yourself for any reason is WRONG.

As a black woman with sons, I don’t think my heart has ever been so broken as it was over the scene broadcast world wide of George Floyd being subsequently murdered by a police officer on a public street in the United States off America! All I could do is imagine my heartbreak if it were my son laying there begging for his life, dying and calling for me. How would I ever cope with that? How could I live knowing that hate was the reason for my child’s death, not a car accident not natural causes but the knee of a man with no regard for another human beings life.

Not allowing this to be a “race thing” in my heart I pose the question; If George Floyd, if Ahmad Aubrey, if Trayvon Martin had been a white man, how might their situations have played out? The answer I come up with every time is absolutely DIFFERENTLY!

I have a brother who was jailed for what is effectively the rest of his life for robbery of two white women over the age of 55. He was charged in New York State with a “Hate crime” against the elderly and given 52 years. Mind you, no one died, no one was critically injured but he has spent 13 years of his life in prison thus far!

I have watched story after story and time and time again people who aren’t black get less time for even killing another human being! The one the struck me most recently was a young white college student proven to have rapped a fellow black student, given no time at all because the judge didn’t want to “ruin his future”. Others given probation for more than my brothers crime!

This is the problem that we face as blacks. We have faced this for decades even centuries and now finally it has caused people of all backgrounds and ethnicities to reach a boiling point. The unrest we are experiencing today in our country and around the world is because it’s been long enough! Eyes have been opened to the injustice we have faced and now difficult conversations are being had. People are asking “what can I do”.

I beg you not to turn a blind eye or a deaf ear to racism, injustice or inequality toward ANYONE any longer! When you see it happening, when you hear it being voiced, speak up, speak out! Address it because it’s the right thing to do! Who knows, the next time it could be you, your child or someone you love! The pain is real

Luke 6

Treat everyone the same way you would want them to treat you

Is Your Word Worth Anything?

I’ve experienced people committing to the smallest of things in recent years and then “crickets” (nothing), not even an phone call to excuse themselves. So now when they commit to anything, I don’t “hold my breath”. Take a moment from this point on and give thought to what you say before you commit to anyone for anything! Be a person of integrity!

1John2:5

Ecclesiastes 5:4-7

Cherish The Love We Have

Apparently a great number of parents are taking out their frustrations on their children during these very stressful times. Social services in Atlanta has reported a need for temporary placements to avoid abuse!

Sheltering in place has forced us to be together with our families, but because of the lives we have made so busy, being together something many families are not used to doing.

Although I can understand the stress of losing a job, not having enough food, and bills coming due; I cannot understand taking it out on innocent children! Children love us unconditionally and besides they too have their own set of concerns and anxieties about not being in school, not seeing their friends, and the lack of having a normal life since this pandemic “thing” changed their lives too..

I believe one of the best things that can come out of this pandemic (if we keep things in prospective) is the renewal of family and the understanding that we were doing way too much “stuff” instead of appreciating and spending time with our families. Children are a special gift from God and in the grand scheme of things, they are ours for a very short time. It is our responsibility in that time to mold them into great human beings and to teach them to be examples of Gods love to the world.

Love them today, for tomorrow is not promised!

Our spouses also need to know we love them the way we did before children and the responsibilities of life took our lives over. Let us view to renew family bonds and restore our fragmented lives. Let us understand that when this is all over some of us will be missing a loved one. Do not be one who has to ask yourself, “Did I show them I appreciated them, did they know that they were important to me, did they know that I loved them above everything else?”

Let’s live life like there’s no tomorrow. Live on purpose, love harder, laugh more.

NO REGRETS!

A Friend

I asked God for a true friend who I could do things with (female things not husband things). Someone I could spend time with because I’d started to feel a little isolated at home.

So, fast forward a little, I met a woman who lives in my neighborhood who saw me walking one day and asked to join me. I was excited because it seems as though people don’t want to be friends like they used to.

It just so happens she grew up in New Jersey and I grew up in New York. We are close in age, she’s a talker, I’m a talker but the more she talked and as sweet as she seemed, I started to realized she has a “potty mouth” (curses like a sailor). On our first walk I thought “ Oh Nooooooo” I don’t want to deal with this but during our walk we talked about everything my church (because she asked) scripture, our children, our husbands and before I realized it I stopped being bothered by her language. What I liked most about her is the fact the she was “Real”. No pretense just honest and kind regardless of her language.

After years of loving God, I have come to realize that we come into peoples lives for a reason and I truly believe just after walking together for a week, if nothing else she just needed someone to listen to her, she needed to vent because she has a sick husband and life has been difficult for her but she’s strong.

Now go back to our second day of walking, I talked to my daughter about this very thing in her frustration with an associate of hers. The very next day a devotional I read confirmed our conversation about why people come into our lives. God has a reason, we just need to be willing and patient enough to be used by Him in those relationships. God has no feet but ours. Let’s be willing to walk in His love if only by being a friend to someone who might be different from us.

There’s no need to judge anyone, He is the only judge and besides, we have not always been spiritually minded. It is only because of His Grace and His mercy that we are who we are through Christ Jesus.

“A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.” (Proverbs 18:24, KJV)

Go get your life

So my morning includes watching the local news station with my morning cup of coffee. Yesterday morning there was a guy on who sang a song and it’s words taught about living life fully so that we are old we have memories to share.

The song was “Everybody dies but not everybody lives”. His name is Steven Phillips, Midnight express a Georgia artist.

Verse;

“Do things when you’re young, then when your old you’ll have something to talk about. There are those who take chances, and those who never will, it’s best to go out knowing you didn’t waste Gods gift” of life so live.

So if I could, my advice today is the same as the song. Don’t watch people live (scrolling social media mindlessly) or watching others on television as a means of entertainment, instead get up get out and start living your best life.

I believe that television and Social Media is robbing us of life! We are healthier when we are more active. So get started living in “the present”. It is truly a gift from God and we get the chance to experience it. Think about it, we’ll never have another opportunity to live today again.

I’m talking to myself and to other “seasoned” people (older folks, empty nesters) because young people seem to have a better grasp on living their best life, if not only for a selfie opportunity, but they do know how to live for life experiences.

My daughter has this saying “Go get your life”, it’s funny but so true in this case.

Let’s do it!

Psalms 90:12

So teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom.

Psalms 32:8

Don’t Force It, Be Gentle

I realize that after children, careers and aging together, things will probably never be like they were in the beginning of our relationship but by using positive energy it is easier, I have the power to make subtle changes in any moment. I do things like kiss my husband when he doesn’t expect it, show him affection if I want affection in return and I definitely have learned not to make him responsible for change in our relationship when he doesn’t see a problem with how things are!

Remember, we tend to mirror our parents relationships, so if his dad wasn’t active or affectionate or handy around the house then he might not be either without a gentle nudge from us and whether we like it or not, we do tend to “turn into our parents”

2 Peter 4:8

If we sincerely love one another, that love will cover a multitude of sin (issues)

Practice makes perfect!

Be Kind

Times are so different now which makes most any negative situation almost impossible to resolve without good communication.

The devil has made sure we don’t talk enough, we don’t touch and we don’t even make eye contact and because of that we can quickly misunderstand each other. Our lives are literally filled with STUFF! Work, activities, television shows etc.,

So, when disagreements or misunderstandings occur in our relationships and marriages, how do we handle them? Are you the type of person who shuts down, who avoids confrontations, or are you the type who gets overly emotional when it comes to confronting issues head on.

Well, no matter how you handle it, you can count on the devil doing his thing in your mind (thoughts), “You should’ve said”, ” Why did you let them get away with that”, “They don’t care about your feelings anyway”, “You should be sick of this….. and I could go on button I’m sure you get the picture. My point is, don’t allow the enemy of mankind and everything that is good, to cause you to be uncomfortable about speaking your feelings, speaking your hurt, acknowledging your pain to the one person you vowed to love forever.

Be sure to always pray for peace and understanding in your relationships then speak your heart regularly, not loudly and not in anger, and definitely not with accusations. Instead make your point softly, with love, in a kind way, in hopes of a resolution almost every time.

Remember, practice makes almost perfect!

Ephesians 4:32

Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another as Christ forgave you.

2 Timothy 2:24

And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful.

Breakthrough

I went to see the movie “Breakthrough” recently with my husband (our date night). It was AMAZING !! It reminded me of the great power we have through prayer. In the movie when the mothers child was in distress, she called on the power of God from the very depths of her soul seemingly (No spoilers here)!

As Christians, I believe we sometimes tend to down play the power of prayer, or not totally understand the true power which comes from and through prayer, often seeing it as the last resort rather than our first response to the issues of life. In an attempt to encourage one another, we say things like “Just pray about it, or “I’ll be praying for you” and then going on our way even forgetting about that need. We subconsciously seem to underestimate prayer, its significance and its power in the moment and in doing so we are robbed of the joy that God intended for us to experience through connecting with Him in such critical times. It is literally our connection and way to communicate with God!

I am blown away by the bold and powerful prayers of David, how he cried out to God and the boldness and cutting honesty in which he talked to Him. We don’t have to pray eloquently or sound like anyone else, we just need to talk to God from our hearts, but reverence Him as our Creator.

I’ve come to realize that we can humble ourselves before God and pray such bold, impossible sounding prayers because God desires a relationship with us even though He is infinitely powerful and nothing we pray is too small or insignificant for Him. He is right there waiting on us to trust Him enough to call on Him so that He can do great things for us.

Let’s pray like Davis (Psalms)