Marriage requires a certain level of maturity as well as self control. It has not always been present in my marriage but it is what has kept us together for all these years. Once we both learned to choose our battles and not wear our feelings on our shirt sleeve, things got much easier . Now don’t get me wrong, it is a real process which takes some of us longer than others and to be honest, we may never really master it but if we get the basic premise of love and unselfish behavior mastered, life tends to change dramatically.
Recently one of my favorite local gospel personalities said, “Pride makes excuses but maturity makes adjustments”. Oh my goodness! How many times have you made an excuse for behaving badly towards one another? Well, maturity keeps you working at doing what is right, and less likely from responding in anger, and definitely not intentionally being hurtful. Here’s the thing, we can not sustain change without Gods strength to help us, no matter how bad we really want to it’s hard and we must always check our motives for the change. Ask yourself, “Did I ask God to help me to change for me? “Do I really even want to change” and once you identify your reason for change then go to your Heavenly Father and ask Him to help you with this process, ask Him to help you to love one another just as He loves you, unconditionally. Now all you have to do is start behaving in love as you continue to pray for Gods strength to sustain that change in you.
You may fail a few times before you get it, but “Practice makes perfect“. You will know when you have matured beyond your own ability because you will start to give more of yourself than you may be receiving. Without much effort, you walk away from confrontations instead of speaking in anger, and most things that angered you in the past may even become comical. because Gods help, you now see how childish some reactions really are.
“Love (charity) starts at home and then spreads abroad” Sir Thomas Browne.
When God allows a “Storm” in your life, it has a purpose and He is going to be with you through it!
One of my favorite Gospel radio personalities KD Bowe Praise 102.5 Atlanta said recently, “It matters not so much what we go through but it is more about how we go through hard times that can either draw us closer to God or cause us to fall away from Him“. Hardships are a part of life but just as a young man I heard interviewed after the Houston flood understood that if God brought him and his family to this point in his life (The loss of everything he possessed) he believed that God would bless him to get through it. He didn’t sound bitter at all, as a matter of fact, when asked by the reporter what he was going to do, his response was “I don’t know but I’m thankful, then he said “God is good”. He was thankful and he recognized that he and his family were safe and were going to be fine, and I believe they will because he stood for the kingdom of God proudly and boldly in the face of what may have been his darkest moment as a young man, a husband and a father. His heart was pure in his in the midst of total devastation, and his trust was in God.
Gods word says “Man born of a woman is of a few days and full of trouble” Job 14:1, and as hard as it seems during those trying times, they are meant to strengthen our faith in God because we are trusting Him to help us through it, James 1:3.
So, yes it matters more how we go through tough times than it does what we go through.
I watched a dance show the other night and a couple who were contestants shared candidly about how they had trouble in their relationship, and how it was at that point they had to make a decision whether they were going to work out their relationship or allow their marriage to fail. They chose to make a conscious effort to stay married each and every day through any bad feelings or misunderstandings in order to work out their differences and make their marriage work.
Sometimes things get so hard in our relationships that we must take extreme measures if we are going to survive together. Isuggest from my own experience that you try to start each day praying together, before the stress of the day begins. Start each day committing to staying married, committing to working out issues, not arguing, not fighting, not fussing and not sweating the small stuff. It’s a very intimate moment and it will allow you to hear from the heart of the person you love.
As I said to some good friends yesterday, choose your battles wisely, don’t bicker about every little thing, things that you know deep down in your heart aren’t going to change much, if at all. Resolve to find a better way to deal with those things for peace sake, and above all remember that God looks over our faults, so let’s learn to be gracious and merciful towards one another as well.
1 Corinthians 3:14, love is patient, love is kind
Roman 12:18, if possible so much as it depends on you, live at peace with one another
While re-reading one of my favorite books, (The Shack), this phrase called out to be addressed ; “Trust is the fruit of a healthy relationship in which you recognize that you are loved. The Shack. William P. Young
I wanted to address jealousy in relationships, especially if you are the type of person who thinks a little jealousy is flattering. I suggest that you recognize it may also be a red flag for trouble to come in the future of your relationship.
The fact is that most relationships which lack trust are full of turmoil, therefor the relationship usually doesn’t survive. In contrast to a healthy relationship in which you believe that the two of you belong together and can weather any storm.
If jealousy is your struggle, I pray that you would Ask Godtoday to help you to put your insecurities aside and allow your trust, and love to shine bright, in order to over shadow your insecurities, in return this should strengthen your relationship.
James 3:16 (ESV) “For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice”
There will come times in our life when The Lord will take us out of our comfort zone. You know, those things we do without giving it a moments thought or put any real effort into doing. In my experience, when God desires “a thing” in your life, you begin to notice that you seem to keep being put into a certain type of position or situation. That’s what has always happened to me and my husband.
When it starts to happen, you tend to want to inject your own feelings into the equations such as, I’m not qualified for this, I’m not comfortable with this or I need to be better equipped to do this. I know how uncomfortable it can be to talk to people who you don’t really know or who you may not really be comfortable talking to. This blog came to be because of the calling on my husband and my life together. I felt it was our responsibility to make ourselves comfortable, capable and equipped, to simply be a listening ear. God entrusted us to share what works in our marriage, and how us purposefully involving God in every situation was and is the key to working through any issue, as well as us being transparent about the issues that we’ve worked through and how we worked through them because there is no perfect relationship and there will never be but we sure can be happy together with Gods help.
Soooooo, it’s not about you or your ability to do anything! It’s all about God, who trusts you to have His heart, to show His love, to be what He has called you to do and to be for those who He sends into your life. “Love is patient, love is kind”
But the fruit of the Spirit (of God) is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.
In the life of a Christian, God will use various people and resources to provide for us, but He is always the source, He simply uses the resource to help us. Philippians 4:19 “But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus”.
Remembering this, is critical in remaining dependent on God, as we have the tendency to confuse the gift with the giver…. When this happens, our loyalty and trust tend to shift towards the person or where the help comes from, rather than God (our provider).
God is the source of everything we need, no matter how He provides it. It may come through our children, our spouses, our jobs and friends. Always remember, they are merely the tools He uses to meet the needs in our lives.
Keep me as the apple of your eye, hide me under the shadow of your wings, Palms 17:8