Tag Archive | troubles

BUT WAIT! Who’s birthday is it anyway?

Some of the worst times in our marriage, were do to money problems (not having enough). As a young couple, we felt the need to buy for all of our family at Christmas. I would spend, and We would deal with the consequences of my reckless behavior after the fact, and later when the bills came, so did the regret I felt. Thank God I learned to change that destructive behavior.

My advice to anyone, especially young couples and young people living on a limited income is, at Christmas or anytime, live and spend within your means! !! If you can’t afford to buy gifts, don’t! Learn to be crafty, make gifts, bake gifts (cookies, pies, cakes), give cards that express how much you care. Those who love you and who genuinely care about you will love your words. We don’t communicate enough anyway. Don’t give into the pressure of giving when you don’t have it to give. Don’t allow yourself or your family to go into debt giving gifts that you can not afford. It will only create problems in your relationship later on.

It’s Jesus’s birthday we are supposed to be celebrating! He should be receiving the gift of you living your life to please Him, because He cared enough to leave His heavenly father, to be born to the Virgin Mary into a sinful world. He lived and taught Gods will, and then He willingly gave His life on the cross for the salvation of the entire world. Luke 2:1-20, Matthew 27:32-56

I wish you a Merry Christmas with no regrets.

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Is it really so bad?

Considering the senseless act of hate that took place in Las Vegas, I thought this post would be appropriate.
A tragedy such as this one should cause us to reflect on life differently.  Life is certainly too short to linger in bitterness, anger, unhappiness or disputes.  We must Try not to sweat the small stuff, Forgive quickly and move forward.  Live your best life everyday with the ones you love because the reality is, sickness, disease, tragedy, disaster, and even death can happen suddenly and we almost never expect it,  but we have to deal with it,  so ask yourself, “How would I want to leave things Forever”!!!



I Apologize

So, I recall a while back being very impatient with my husband, you know how we get and I may have been nagging him and complaining a lot about little things such as him sucking his teeth after a meal instead of getting a tooth pick or getting totally “bent out of shape” about how he always finds a way not to be wrong no matter what!!

Well!  On that particular Sunday as we got in the car the radio DJ spoke as if he were speaking directly to us, “If you are happy with 90% of your spouses behavior then why not see the other 10% as being under construction”.  In other words deal with him with the same measure of grace that our Lord deals with you daily! When we got to church the Pastor in his sermon said as if he heard from God on our behalf, “If your passion is not your spouse, being with them, meeting all their needs, then you are missing the mark”. I knew God had spoken to both of us in the span of one hour, and we both heard Him loud and clear.

We quietly committed to change some things with Gods help.

1 Peter 4:8

Above all love each other deeply because love covers over a multitude of sin (flaws)

God kept me, He held me together

Don’t be so quick to say someone doesn’t understand what you’re going through. You never know what a person has gone through just by looking at them. People suffer in silence or they find ways to cope with their adversities. Never assume you know the whole story about anyone just because of what you see in this moment.

While standing in my kitchen washing dishes, and listening to gospel music, a song came on (Zacardi Cortez “God held me together) which reminded me of how the Lord has kept me. I began to recall things I haven’t thought about in years, all while knowing how intentional I believe God has been in keeping me for this moment in life, to be an encouragement, spiritual support, voice of reason or simply a listening ear for everyone He would send my way.

Just so you understand some of what i’ve overcome, my first real memory of how God has kept me from hurt, pain and even death was God delivering me from sexual abuse when I was just eight or nine years old, then a memory of God keeping me from being  abducted on my way home from school one day, my dad showed up just as the guys had blocked me in and were getting out of their car.  I remember him running with all his might (he was a big man).  I also remembered almost being shot by a stray bullet while my siblings and I played on the street (an NYPD car chase).   One of the most painful memories was when my dad who I know loved me from the depths of his heart had a nervous breakdown and my baby brother and I had to literally run for our lives, because it seemed that my fathers intention was to kill his family and then himself! My next memory was in my youthful stupidity, I tried recreational drugs (weed) and apparently my boyfriend at the time laced it with something extra.  To this day I have no memory of that night (crazy right). I also experienced issues with depression early in my marriage while my husband was deployed oversees in the Navy. It was to the point that I contemplated taking my life and my baby girls who was in the car with me at the time. I was so lonely and angry that I was in the situation I was in but it was only in that moment I gave into the voices that told me to pull in front of a dump truck to end my pain and disappointment.  It was that moment I looked over into my daughters sweet little eyes that I knew I had to live. God had a call on her and the baby boy I would have a few years later. God held me together for my family and so many others. Be encouraged, whatever you are going through is only for a season, It won’t last always.
Psalm 30:5 Weeping may endure for a night but joy will come in the morning

All In


Let’s keep it 100 (real). Marriage is not always easy but the way in which we go through life struggles with spouses has everything to do with how we come out of any situation. It is vitally important that we operate in kindness and understanding.  Put yourself in your spouses position in that moment of confusion (love), show love and compassion (kind), and in most cases (not always), you will get love and compassion in return (humble).

1 Corinthians 13:4 NIV

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.

Choose your battles

When confronted with the dilemma of being right, or being kind,  choose kindness.   Believe me, there will be other opportunities to make your point  (if it is important enough) without confrontation or dispute. 

Pray for opportunities to resolve disputes, there’s no reason to deal with anything alone.  God is able to do that which we are not quite able to manage on our own.

Proverbs 15:1
A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.

Proverbs 17:14
The beginning of strife is like letting out water,  so quit before the quarrel breaks out.

 Give it to God, He can fix that too

Phillipians 4:13 says,  “I can do all things with Christ who strengthens me”, but if you are only referring to spiritual things, you are missing out.   He can strengthen us, and fix things when they change in our marriages or relationships, or when it seems that we can’t deal with the simplest of things any longer, and as women, we experience strange occurrences, as well as changes in our bodies, moments when we just want to explode for no real good reason, and sometimes we do. We have so many emotions and mood swings, too many for the average man to keep up with, not to mention to deal with, and it can reek havoc on a perfectly good relationship.

I remember realizing this was going on in my relationship with my husband (more than once).  After trying and failing on my own time and time again, I remembered that God can do anything but fail, so I gave my issues with my husband to Him, my intolerance, my anger, and frustrations, all of it, and I watched God change me as well as my husband.  The more I gave my husband that which he needed or required of me, the more he gave me that which I desired of him in return, and I’m not talking about bowing down to him or becoming a servant.  I’m talking about loving as I wanted to be loved, unconditional love.

We put limits on God, as if He can only help us to find or to be found by a mate, and then we turn around and treat Him as though He has no business in our marriage and definetley not in our bedrooms.  He is God, He made us and He can change anything about us which we are not able to change on our own (no desire for sex, too much desire for our spouse, no attraction because of other life issues) BUT! He won’t do anything unless we ask Him to.  The bible is full of instructions on love, honor, respect, commitment, and the power of God to help us in our times of need.  If you want to read a sensual book, read the Song of Solomon in the bible, he talked more sensually about a women, every part of her body, her beauty and his love for her than I’ve ever heard anyone in this day and time express in such a way.  

Marriage is not easy and relationships change, it’s inevitable but we have to remember that not only will God help us in lifes struggles and protect us from evil and harm, He will give us what we need to maintain one of the most important relationships we will ever have, that with our mates, our spouses, our loved ones.  

Give it to Him, tell Him all of your concerns, your weakness, your issues, and then ask Him to help you to love your husband or your wife just as He loves them, unconditionally, always looking over their flaws and weaknesses but giving His best to them always, simply because He loves them.