Tag Archive | support

Progressing or Disolving

Relationships are difficult enough as it is especially after the newness wears off and it’s what we do in response to the difficulties which come over time that have everything to do with how our relationships either progress or how they dissolve right before our eyes.

Ideally, we should find a person who possesses most of what we want in a mate during the dating process because, Let’s all say it together, “People don’t really change”. For the most part they are who they are going to be and in order for a relationship to survive frustrating times, we must be willing to continue to accept the good and the “not so good”. This includes their appearance, their speech, their beliefs, their bad habits, etc,.

Accept who they are (don’t try to change them, prove them wrong or to make a senseless point over and over again ). I’m speaking from experience!

Appreciate who they are (remind yourself and your partner why you fell in love with them)

Show Affection (kiss,touch and complement)

Be Attentive (be in the moment and listen to one another fully and completely)

Simple put, take on the same mindset you had of them while you were dating. If we focus on the negative that is exactly all we will see and the enemy of every good thing will make sure of it! Focus on the best of them, it will save your relationship.

1 Corinthians 13:4 Love is patient, Love is kind…..

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A Recipe for Longevity

I thought this could really help those of you dating or thinking of marriage. These questions were on a morning show I watch and I wanted to share them with you;

*Know who you are, but realize you are ever changing and you need someone willing to evolve with you

*Are you a better person because of them (do they bring out the best in you)

*Are you a balanced couple (religion, children, interests, finance..,). Talk about your differences

*Can you have fun apart (if they only want to be with you and can’t seem to have a life aside from you that may be a red flag)

*Are you a parent or a partner (make sure that you are not getting involved with someone who needs you for unhealthy reasons)

*Do they have your back (are they supportive of you)

Communication is key in all relationships. Just some food for thought 🤔

Check Yourself!

In order to get along with others, we must sometimes be willing to accept constructive Criticisms. Have you heard this saying; “If people in your life who don’t know each other say the same thing about you, then it might be true”. If this is you, try not to become defensive, or frustrated, instead evaluate what is being said about you, and be brutally honest with yourself in the process.

In my house we say “Check yourself”. So when you realize an unflattering truth about yourself, don’t get down about it, instead ask God to help you to change it. I say “Ask God” because we all know when we are wrong for the most part, and we sometimes try to change and we may always seem to fall short, and fall back into those old ways or habits, and they are probably things we don’t even like about ourselves.

Remember, if it were simple, we wouldn’t still be trying to change. The best way to become a better person is by being a loving person, a person who loves enough to change hurtful or harmful ways or bad habits. The change will be for our own good as well as for the good of those who love us and those who are forced to deal with us each and everyday.

Romans 12:17
17Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. 18If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. 19Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord.

God kept me, He held me together

Don’t be so quick to say someone doesn’t understand what you’re going through. You never know what a person has gone through just by looking at them. People suffer in silence or they find ways to cope with their adversities. Never assume you know the whole story about anyone just because of what you see in this moment.

While standing in my kitchen washing dishes, and listening to gospel music, a song came on (Zacardi Cortez “God held me together) which reminded me of how the Lord has kept me. I began to recall things I haven’t thought about in years, all while knowing how intentional I believe God has been in keeping me for this moment in life, to be an encouragement, spiritual support, voice of reason or simply a listening ear for everyone He would send my way.

Just so you understand some of what i’ve overcome, my first real memory of how God has kept me from hurt, pain and even death was God delivering me from sexual abuse when I was just eight or nine years old, then a memory of God keeping me from being  abducted on my way home from school one day, my dad showed up just as the guys had blocked me in and were getting out of their car.  I remember him running with all his might (he was a big man).  I also remembered almost being shot by a stray bullet while my siblings and I played on the street (an NYPD car chase).   One of the most painful memories was when my dad who I know loved me from the depths of his heart had a nervous breakdown and my baby brother and I had to literally run for our lives, because it seemed that my fathers intention was to kill his family and then himself! My next memory was in my youthful stupidity, I tried recreational drugs (weed) and apparently my boyfriend at the time laced it with something extra.  To this day I have no memory of that night (crazy right). I also experienced issues with depression early in my marriage while my husband was deployed oversees in the Navy. It was to the point that I contemplated taking my life and my baby girls who was in the car with me at the time. I was so lonely and angry that I was in the situation I was in but it was only in that moment I gave into the voices that told me to pull in front of a dump truck to end my pain and disappointment.  It was that moment I looked over into my daughters sweet little eyes that I knew I had to live. God had a call on her and the baby boy I would have a few years later. God held me together for my family and so many others. Be encouraged, whatever you are going through is only for a season, It won’t last always.
Psalm 30:5 Weeping may endure for a night but joy will come in the morning

A Mothers Love Never Dies

A week ago today, I celebrated my 57th birthday.  My husband took off work to spend the day with me, which was a complete surprise since he never really takes off work!  We were just hanging out talking, riding along , enjoying conversation when in a moment when nothing was really on my mind, my moms face flashed before me, and a warmth came over me that I haven’t felt since the last hug she gave me, I  felt her and I heard her say “Happy birthday baby, I love you”.  My eyes welled up with tears and my heart, although it was happy to be with my “Boo” (husband), was overwhelmed with the love and the memory of my dear sweet mother and her the adoration I always felt from her.  You must understand that she’s been dead for 10 years, and I’ve longed to feel her, to know that she was okay, and I knew in that moment!   Just before that encounter I asked the Lord to let the rain which had clouded my heart stop because It was my special day (Everyone who knows me well knows that I am lover of the sun!)  Then the sweetest thing happened again, the sun shined on me, it literally came out, and I was so thankful again to know Gods love and to feel that “He is particularly fond of me” (The Shack movies). ☺️

I’ve learned in life that we will deal with loss, pain, and deep sadness, but no matter the pain or struggle, it makes it all the more bearable when we have hope, and joy in knowing there is someone who watches over us, who orders our steps simply because we love Him enough to be faithful, and to honor His sons sacrifice with our lives by living in obedience to His word.

I’m so sure that my experience with my mom on the celebration of my birthday was a gift that I had to share it with you in hopes of encouraging someone who’s feeling down because your mom is no longer with you.  I pray that you celebrate her this Mother’s Day with joyful memories, be happy for the time you were blessed to have her in your life.  God bless you

I felt her love and it was the best gift ever!!   

Psalm 147:3. He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.

Psalm 103:13. As a father shows compassion to his children, so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear him.

The LORD is your keeper

 I married my husband believing he was well capable of taking care of me, a God fearing man who I knew I could depend on in every way, and although I have all this love and trust for him, I am very aware that he is not Lord of my life.   His views are his and I do not always see things his way.   I realize his place in my life, and it’s not the same as The Lord God’s place in my life.   Be very careful when you place a human being and/or their views before your Heavenly Father and what He commands of His children.   God is a jealous God, no one and nothing is to come before Him.  Exodus 4034:14,  Deuteronomy 6:15

No other relationship is going to work when it comes to our emotional and spiritual healing.  Why?  Because God did not create us to go through life on our own (depending on one another solely).  He made us for His Glory.  He created us to be in fellowship with Him first and foremost.  Certainly He wants us to have good relationships with our spouses and all our other relationships, but the number one relationship for each of us as Christians is an intimate relationship with God our heavenly father and Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior. 
If we are faithful in nurturing our relationship with Him,  God blesses us in every other area of our lives, He helps us through those rough patches we sometimes find ourselves in.  It might not always work out the way we want or think it should workout but we must remember, ” All things work together for your good,  for those who are the called according Gods purpose”.  “All things”, means everything, good, bad and indifferent.  
Psalms 121:5-8. The Lord is your keeper, the Lord is your shade at your right hand; the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night.  The Lord will keep you from all harm, he will watch over your coming and your going both now and forever.

Don’t get tired

It’s so important to always do the right thing for the right reason.  Do good (the right thing) because you truly care, and because Gods Holy Scripture says, we are to care for one another (Romans 12:8).  Don’t do anything to be seen or to be praised by others, instead do it because Jesus did it for you when He gave His all during His lifetime on earth and ultimately in His death on the cross.

Don’t permit yourself to be upset or feel that you’ve been wronged by someone who seems ungrateful,  or totally unconcerned with you now that their crisis is over.  Be thankful for the time and the friendship you had, for what you learned from them positive or negative, and especially for what you were able to do to assist them in their time of need.   That’s God’s love being exhibited through you.  Don’t worry about anything else because your God who sees what you do in secret will reward you openly.

Galatians 6:9 “Let us not grow weary in well doing, for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not”.  That’s the promise we get from God.