Tag Archive | sex

The “Real” deal

I was watching my favorite morning show when Toni Tennille of the 70’s & 80’s singing duo Captain and Tennille was on the show talking about what we now know was a very unhappy marriage.  The problem was that for the sake of their careers and from the public perception everything seemed fine, they seemed to be happily married!
She recently wrote a book telling how and why the relationship is now over.  She writes that they were married because her mother and their agent wanted it especially after they had a child together, so they did it.  She tells how she was a very happy and affectionate person but her husband was not because of his difficult childhood.  The thing is, she knew this before she said “I do”!  Big mistake!  As I have said many times, people are generally who they are when you meet them.  You can’t change the fabric of who a person truly is.  They are who they are and not likely to change, no matter how hard they may try.  Only God can change us and that is only when we acknowledge we are broken or we recognize we have a problem.

I’m pretty sure I have told you guys before that even in my happy marriage, my husband and I revisit some of the same issues every 6 months or so like clock work, and that’s okay,  that’s how we function because we are very different people.  I love him so much because he has always been willing to work on those things which don’t come as naturally to him as they do to me (affection and social activity).

The moral of this story is, if you are making excuses for them constantly, take the blinders off!   If you are in a relationship with someone who has ways that drive you up a wall or you says things like, “I think they are great” but…  Don’t look over those problems or issues because after they hurt you, you have “great make up sex” (a no no as a Christian anyway), or “they are so good looking” (we look so great together), please don’t be this shallow concerning your life. 

Weigh the pros (happiness, joy) against the cons (unhappiness, pain, disfunction) before you take the leap into what “should be “a life long relationship together, and above all don’t be desperate, don’t allow yourself to be deceived for the sake of having a relationship.

Life is tough enough, but life with someone who is not concerned about your overall happiness and well-being as much as they are with their own,  would be very unhappy and evermore sad knowing you saw all the signs before you committed to it..

Go into every relationship with your eyes wide open.  Ask God to show you those things which you can not see about or in them for yourself.  Ask God to show you all things that may be hidden from you on purpose! If you are honest with yourself, we all know how to put the best of us on display in order to get what we want, don’t we?

Proverbs 12:22
Lying lips are an abomination to the Lord, but those who act faithfully are his delight.

John 8:32
You will know the truth, and the truth will make you free

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 Give it to God, He can fix that too

Phillipians 4:13 says,  “I can do all things with Christ who strengthens me”, but if you are only referring to spiritual things, you are missing out.   He can strengthen us, and fix things when they change in our marriages or relationships, or when it seems that we can’t deal with the simplest of things any longer, and as women, we experience strange occurrences, as well as changes in our bodies, moments when we just want to explode for no real good reason, and sometimes we do. We have so many emotions and mood swings, too many for the average man to keep up with, not to mention to deal with, and it can reek havoc on a perfectly good relationship.

I remember realizing this was going on in my relationship with my husband (more than once).  After trying and failing on my own time and time again, I remembered that God can do anything but fail, so I gave my issues with my husband to Him, my intolerance, my anger, and frustrations, all of it, and I watched God change me as well as my husband.  The more I gave my husband that which he needed or required of me, the more he gave me that which I desired of him in return, and I’m not talking about bowing down to him or becoming a servant.  I’m talking about loving as I wanted to be loved, unconditional love.

We put limits on God, as if He can only help us to find or to be found by a mate, and then we turn around and treat Him as though He has no business in our marriage and definetley not in our bedrooms.  He is God, He made us and He can change anything about us which we are not able to change on our own (no desire for sex, too much desire for our spouse, no attraction because of other life issues) BUT! He won’t do anything unless we ask Him to.  The bible is full of instructions on love, honor, respect, commitment, and the power of God to help us in our times of need.  If you want to read a sensual book, read the Song of Solomon in the bible, he talked more sensually about a women, every part of her body, her beauty and his love for her than I’ve ever heard anyone in this day and time express in such a way.  

Marriage is not easy and relationships change, it’s inevitable but we have to remember that not only will God help us in lifes struggles and protect us from evil and harm, He will give us what we need to maintain one of the most important relationships we will ever have, that with our mates, our spouses, our loved ones.  

Give it to Him, tell Him all of your concerns, your weakness, your issues, and then ask Him to help you to love your husband or your wife just as He loves them, unconditionally, always looking over their flaws and weaknesses but giving His best to them always, simply because He loves them.

We Have The Power, Lets Use It!!

Be careful what you allow into your life, especially under the cloak of entertainment.  I see it so clearly, and the Bible warns us of the devil, his cunning and crafty ways  (hes  smarter than we will ever be).  He is boldly inserting unnatural relationships into tv shows,  commercials, music, in  everything, and everywhere.   Can you see it?

Hollywood, and our government is trying to redefine life as we have known it, as Hod defined it.  They have forced this lifestyle on us.   You can’t watch TV without profanity, homosexuality, sex, violence, bullying, and just plain meanness.    I suggest that if we as followers of Jesus Christ, lovers of God, would stop watching and listening to the “mess” that has become entertainment,  Hollywood would change what they are creating and putting on television.    After all they make money by what we watch (ratings)!.  We decide what stays on tv  by what we watch!!.  Stop watching, turn the channel when you see those un Christ like things,  then you send a clear message of your disapproval!

God is watching as we conform to the world and its ways.  We will be judged for what we do, as well as how we live our lives. 

Do you want to take the chance that it’s just entertainment?.   It’s a trick of the devil to change our way of thinking of what  “normal” is! !

17.  “For the time is come that judgment must begin at the house of God: and if it first begin at us, what shall the end be of them that obey not the gospel of God? 18. And if the righteous scarcely be saved, where shall the ungodly and the sinner appear? 19. Wherefore let them that suffer according to the will of God commit the keeping of their souls to him in well doing, as unto a faithful Creator.”  1 Peter 4:17-19

There’s Always A Way Out!

Those of you who are dating, when it comes to sex before marriage, you may have said something like, ” I can’t help myself”, “times are different now”, “everybody’s doing it” or even, “I’m gonna do it and ask for forgiveness”. That is premeditated (thought out in advance) and you can not do that to God without consequences.

Speaking from experience, I know it can be done because my husband and I dated for three years before we were married. We both truly loved The Lord and for that reason we obeyed His word and did not engage in any sexual activity before we were married. Yes! We had some close calls but God always gave us a way out of our temptation.  (1 Corinthians 10:13) “No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind”. Anytime things got too hot and heavy between us, and there were a few times, one of us was strong enough to halt progress! if you know what I mean.

The Holy Spirit lives within us. He is that still small voice which tells us when we are about to make a mistake (we call it our conscience).

I once heard a minister say, “If the Holy Spirit is living within you and you allow your body to be violated, you are willfully allowing the Holy Spirit to be violated against His will. Remember, your body is His temple, His dwelling place. We all have choices to make when faced with temptation. Take heed (listen) to that “still small voice” because each time you overcome temptation, you are made stronger for the next battle. 20140711-121543-44143388.jpg