Tag Archive | sadness

God kept me, He held me together

Don’t be so quick to say someone doesn’t understand what you’re going through. You never know what a person has gone through just by looking at them. People suffer in silence or they find ways to cope with their adversities. Never assume you know the whole story about anyone just because of what you see in this moment.

While standing in my kitchen washing dishes, and listening to gospel music, a song came on (Zacardi Cortez “God held me together) which reminded me of how the Lord has kept me. I began to recall things I haven’t thought about in years, all while knowing how intentional I believe God has been in keeping me for this moment in life, to be an encouragement, spiritual support, voice of reason or simply a listening ear for everyone He would send my way.

Just so you understand some of what i’ve overcome, my first real memory of how God has kept me from hurt, pain and even death was God delivering me from sexual abuse when I was just eight or nine years old, then a memory of God keeping me from being  abducted on my way home from school one day, my dad showed up just as the guys had blocked me in and were getting out of their car.  I remember him running with all his might (he was a big man).  I also remembered almost being shot by a stray bullet while my siblings and I played on the street (an NYPD car chase).   One of the most painful memories was when my dad who I know loved me from the depths of his heart had a nervous breakdown and my baby brother and I had to literally run for our lives, because it seemed that my fathers intention was to kill his family and then himself! My next memory was in my youthful stupidity, I tried recreational drugs (weed) and apparently my boyfriend at the time laced it with something extra.  To this day I have no memory of that night (crazy right). I also experienced issues with depression early in my marriage while my husband was deployed oversees in the Navy. It was to the point that I contemplated taking my life and my baby girls who was in the car with me at the time. I was so lonely and angry that I was in the situation I was in but it was only in that moment I gave into the voices that told me to pull in front of a dump truck to end my pain and disappointment.  It was that moment I looked over into my daughters sweet little eyes that I knew I had to live. God had a call on her and the baby boy I would have a few years later. God held me together for my family and so many others. Be encouraged, whatever you are going through is only for a season, It won’t last always.
Psalm 30:5 Weeping may endure for a night but joy will come in the morning

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A Mothers Love Never Dies

A week ago today, I celebrated my 57th birthday.  My husband took off work to spend the day with me, which was a complete surprise since he never really takes off work!  We were just hanging out talking, riding along , enjoying conversation when in a moment when nothing was really on my mind, my moms face flashed before me, and a warmth came over me that I haven’t felt since the last hug she gave me, I  felt her and I heard her say “Happy birthday baby, I love you”.  My eyes welled up with tears and my heart, although it was happy to be with my “Boo” (husband), was overwhelmed with the love and the memory of my dear sweet mother and her the adoration I always felt from her.  You must understand that she’s been dead for 10 years, and I’ve longed to feel her, to know that she was okay, and I knew in that moment!   Just before that encounter I asked the Lord to let the rain which had clouded my heart stop because It was my special day (Everyone who knows me well knows that I am lover of the sun!)  Then the sweetest thing happened again, the sun shined on me, it literally came out, and I was so thankful again to know Gods love and to feel that “He is particularly fond of me” (The Shack movies). ☺️

I’ve learned in life that we will deal with loss, pain, and deep sadness, but no matter the pain or struggle, it makes it all the more bearable when we have hope, and joy in knowing there is someone who watches over us, who orders our steps simply because we love Him enough to be faithful, and to honor His sons sacrifice with our lives by living in obedience to His word.

I’m so sure that my experience with my mom on the celebration of my birthday was a gift that I had to share it with you in hopes of encouraging someone who’s feeling down because your mom is no longer with you.  I pray that you celebrate her this Mother’s Day with joyful memories, be happy for the time you were blessed to have her in your life.  God bless you

I felt her love and it was the best gift ever!!   

Psalm 147:3. He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.

Psalm 103:13. As a father shows compassion to his children, so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear him.

Yes, It’s Christmas, and Yes, I know it hurts

It’s always hard to be without a loved one, but in my opinion, Christmas time is the worse time of all to be without them. This is the time of year that I lost my mother to a long illness. During that time, I felt so alone, but I was too busy caring for my mom to give into my feelings. My military husband was stationed in another state, as were both of my military children. I spent most of my time at doctors appointments or hospitals. I remember before my moms last surgery, decorating her hospital room because she loved Christmas, and I would have done anything to make her happy.

Yes, I still fight my sadness almost 8 years later, because I still miss her so much, but I have learned now, to be sad for a moment and “let it go”. I came to realize that my sadness never accomplished much, but to make me even more miserable. I now concentrate on the good, like my moms laughter, it was infectious, and her touch, which was so tender and loving. She had the most giving heart, her love for her family was unsurpassed, but most of all, she loved The Lord and she was looking forward to being with Him in Glory, and no longer suffering in pain.

I know it’s hard, but start by remembering the good times. Find things you are thankful for, look at old pictures, remember things you laughed about together, and allow healing to take place within.

I am so thankful for my mother, and all the good she instilled in me, but most of all, I am thankful for my faith in God and how He has given me the strength to find joy at Christmas.

Have Yourself A Merry Christmas!

It could have been me

As I watched the news yesterday,  I saw a mother who did not know where her son was after the mass shooting in Orlando Florida at a gay night club.   My heart melted for her as she explained how she was not getting help finding her son.   She described him in detail as her tears flowed. Her love for her son was so evident, and her pain penetrated my soul.

I immediately put myself in her place and knew that even if my son or daughter decided to live an alternative lifestyle  (gay), I would still love them deeply because as their mother, I gave birth to them, they lived in my body for 9 months, and  I always have their best interest in mind.

Pray for the mothers and the families of those who died as well as those who were injured. 

We can not stand in judgment,  we simply must love and should pray for those who are hurting.   God will be the judge.   We are commanded to love, so let’s do just that.

Matthew 7:1-3.
Judge not, that you be not judged

John 13:34
“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.

Don’t judge me

Life is so hectic these days,   everyone has their own struggles,  their own issues,  their own demons.   People are losing hope like never before because of the a slow economy,  job loss,  failed relationships,  loneliness, depression etc., Suicide and murder are on the rise because the enemy causes us to feel hopeless, and alone if we are not careful.

We must learn to recognize the signs of depression,  anger,  sadness etc, and we must make ourselves available as well as approachable, so that anyone who may be in need can feel comfortable with confiding in us, sharing with us,  or even venting their frustrations to us.

Understand that people don’t always need advice,  sometimes all they really need is a hand to hold in their time of trouble,  an ear to listen to how they really feel,  or a heart which understands that they are only human and that we all make mistakes.  Most of all they must feel as though you won’t judge them.   For there is only one judge and He is God the Father of us all.

“For we all have sinned  and fallen short of the glory of God”  Romans 3:23

To Everything, There is A Season

The bible tells us, there is a time and a season for everything in our lives, (Ecclesiastes 3:1)

So many people are under an extreme amount of pressure these days, experiencing depression and anxiety and not quite understanding what is going on with them. I feel it is important to be open about the fact that, while dealing with my precious mothers sickness, shortly after her death, I had a nervous breakdown! That happened because I was so overwhelmed and depressed, but mostly because, I didn’t talk about what was going on within me. I over thought every decision I made about her medical care, the surgeries, even agreeing to let her no longer be treated with dialysis. She just wanted to live out the rest of her days in peace, and I let her.

If you are experiencing the pain of sickness, sadness, anxiety depression or loss, it may not seem like it right now, but your pain is only temporary. You have to fight to get better. You may be crying, but your tears will soon dry. You will feel happiness again, you will smile again. “Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning” (Psalms 30:5).

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