Tag Archive | kindness

R.E.S.P.E.C.T

Why is it so hard to be thoughtful, considerate, or kind to someone, anyone in spite of how we may feel in a particular moment, yet we would dare to expect that same individual to over look our flaws and failures in order to be thoughtful or kind to us.

It’s a matter of respect, plain and simple

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Luke 6:31

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Did I ask God to change me for me?

Marriage requires a certain level of maturity as well as self control.  It has not always been present in my marriage but it is what has kept us together for all these years.  Once we both learned to choose our battles and not wear our feelings on our shirt sleeve, things got much easier .  Now don’t get me wrong, it is a real process which takes some of us longer than others and to be honest, we may never really master it but if we get the basic premise of love and unselfish behavior mastered, life tends to change dramatically.

Recently one of my favorite local gospel personalities said, “Pride makes excuses but maturity makes adjustments”.  Oh my goodness!  How many times have you made an excuse for behaving badly towards one another?  Well, maturity keeps you working at doing what is right, and less likely from responding in anger, and definitely not intentionally being hurtful.  Here’s the thing, we can not sustain change without Gods strength to help us, no matter how bad we really want to it’s hard and we must always check our motives for the change.  Ask yourself, “Did I ask God to help me to change for me?  “Do I really even want to change” and once you identify your reason for change then go to your Heavenly Father and ask Him to help you with this process, ask Him to help you to love one another just as He loves you, unconditionally.    Now all you have to do is start behaving in love as you continue to pray for Gods strength to sustain that change in you.

You may fail a few times before you get it, but “Practice makes perfect.   You will know when you have matured beyond your own ability because you will start to give more of yourself than you may be receiving.   Without much effort,  you walk away from confrontations instead of speaking in anger, and most things that angered you in the past may even become comical.  because Gods help, you now see how childish some reactions really are.

“Love (charity) starts at home and then spreads abroad” Sir Thomas Browne.

I Apologize 

So, I’ve been very impatient with my husband lately, you know how we get.  Yes, I’ve been nagging and complaining about little things like him sucking his teeth instead of getting a tooth pick and getting totally irritated by how he eats chips very loudly or, this is big! how he always finds a way not to be wrong.

Well!  Yesterday morning as soon as we got in the car for church the radio dj said, “if you are happy with 90% of your spouses behavior then why not see the other 10% as being under construction”.  In other words deal with it with grace.

 Then when we get to church the Pastor in his sermon said “If your passion is not your spouse, being with them and meeting all their needs, then you are missing the mark”. I felt as if God spoke to both of us in the span of 1 hour, and we both heard Him and we quietly committed to change.

1 Peter 4:8 Above all love each other deeply because love covers over a multitude of (flaws) sin

What!!!  Marriage is Trending

Well  “it’s about time”! It is one of the most important relationships you will ever have, and the best advice I can give is, Stop being selfish! If you know you are bad with money and even though they do things differently from you, they seem to have a better relationship with finances than you do, give up the power!! Hand over the responsibility of bill paying, spending, and saving, and be willing to take good advice from your “better half”, cause they got it going on in that department !!  

I know of what I speak because I did it, and things got so much better once I saw things my husbands way, (He’s gonna love this post!). We got so good at managing our finances that we are now debt free!! I’m not bragging, I’m just trying to help someone. I’m so glad I stopped being selfish and put into practice my husbands way of doing things because we still love each other and we are living the life God promised us!

If you recognize yourself in this post, don’t be so stubborn that you continue in the wrong direction just to spite your spouse. Be flexible and be honest concerning your weaknesses and flaws. Things can and most likely will change with your cooperation.

If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God ​— ​who gives to all generously and ungrudgingly ​— ​and it will be given to him. —James 1:5

Love , No Regrets

Even the best relationships have moments of anger, hurt, and disagreements.  It’s during those moments we must be slow to respond to the situation, take a long cleansing breath and react kindly because you can’t un-speak harsh words or un-do hurtful things once it’s done, it’s done!  

I’m Thinking Out Loud

This  is an old post,  but it means alot to me as we celebrate our 35th wedding anniversary today.  It’s worth repeating!

I know I’ve said it before,  but it bears repeating; ” No one person stays the same”,  especially in marriage and relationships.  As wonderful as my husbands is,  I have often wished for those honeymoon days again  but marriage, career, children, sickness, and life has changed us.   It just happens. 

“We live our lives in phases”.  In order to make sure these changes, phases or seasons don’t derail or in some cases destroy your relationship.   Try making home a “stress free zone” as much as possible. Check in emotionally with one another regularly.  Don’t assume everything is fine, we are pros at deception and will tell ourselves “things are fine” or in some cases we may even say “they know me,  they understand me”.  That will never work, instead be purposeful about  spending quality time together,  build one another up during those tough times, share your feelings (good, bad, and indifferent) share your experiences, your faults and your failures but be careful not to use your spouse as your own personal “dumping ground” in the process.

I had to express this very thing to my husband not too long ago.   I was so tired of him coming home everyday complaining about the same thing.  Did I mention it was everyday for weeks ?   His response to me was,  ” If I can’t talk to you,  then who can I talk to”? The “talking” wasn’t  the problem, it was the content of the conversation, (I love hearing about his day normally), but no one wants to hear anyone complain, brag about or vent about the same thing, all the time!. The thing is, he didn’t even realize that he was doing it until it was brought to his attention.  He does now! 

Life gets hard and years pass but he or she is still the person you fell in love with.   Ask God to help you find those qualities you fell in love with.

If you get a chance sometime soon, go online and listen to Ed Sheerans song, “Thinking out loud” .  It is one of those songs that helps to remind you of what you love about one another.