Tag Archive | kindness

What!!!  Marriage is Trending

Well  “it’s about time”! It is one of the most important relationships you will ever have, and the best advice I can give is, Stop being selfish! If you know you are bad with money and even though they do things differently from you, they seem to have a better relationship with finances than you do, give up the power!! Hand over the responsibility of bill paying, spending, and saving, and be willing to take good advice from your “better half”, cause they got it going on in that department !!  

I know of what I speak because I did it, and things got so much better once I saw things my husbands way, (He’s gonna love this post!). We got so good at managing our finances that we are now debt free!! I’m not bragging, I’m just trying to help someone. I’m so glad I stopped being selfish and put into practice my husbands way of doing things because we still love each other and we are living the life God promised us!

If you recognize yourself in this post, don’t be so stubborn that you continue in the wrong direction just to spite your spouse. Be flexible and be honest concerning your weaknesses and flaws. Things can and most likely will change with your cooperation.

If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God ​— ​who gives to all generously and ungrudgingly ​— ​and it will be given to him. —James 1:5

Love , No Regrets

Even the best relationships have moments of anger, hurt, and disagreements.  It’s during those moments we must be slow to respond to the situation, take a long cleansing breath and react kindly because you can’t un-speak harsh words or un-do hurtful things once it’s done, it’s done!  

I’m Thinking Out Loud

This  is an old post,  but it means alot to me as we celebrate our 35th wedding anniversary today.  It’s worth repeating!

I know I’ve said it before,  but it bears repeating; ” No one person stays the same”,  especially in marriage and relationships.  As wonderful as my husbands is,  I have often wished for those honeymoon days again  but marriage, career, children, sickness, and life has changed us.   It just happens. 

“We live our lives in phases”.  In order to make sure these changes, phases or seasons don’t derail or in some cases destroy your relationship.   Try making home a “stress free zone” as much as possible. Check in emotionally with one another regularly.  Don’t assume everything is fine, we are pros at deception and will tell ourselves “things are fine” or in some cases we may even say “they know me,  they understand me”.  That will never work, instead be purposeful about  spending quality time together,  build one another up during those tough times, share your feelings (good, bad, and indifferent) share your experiences, your faults and your failures but be careful not to use your spouse as your own personal “dumping ground” in the process.

I had to express this very thing to my husband not too long ago.   I was so tired of him coming home everyday complaining about the same thing.  Did I mention it was everyday for weeks ?   His response to me was,  ” If I can’t talk to you,  then who can I talk to”? The “talking” wasn’t  the problem, it was the content of the conversation, (I love hearing about his day normally), but no one wants to hear anyone complain, brag about or vent about the same thing, all the time!. The thing is, he didn’t even realize that he was doing it until it was brought to his attention.  He does now! 

Life gets hard and years pass but he or she is still the person you fell in love with.   Ask God to help you find those qualities you fell in love with.

If you get a chance sometime soon, go online and listen to Ed Sheerans song, “Thinking out loud” .  It is one of those songs that helps to remind you of what you love about one another.

I’m Still Learning

We are most certainly learning if we are alive and breathing.

How open are you to someone correcting you, whether it be your speech, bad behavior, posture,  whatever.  I have been corrected by my husband, my friends, people who love me, and  I believe when you know it’s coming from someone who cares, that makes it easier to accept.

In this moment, I felt very passionate about something that was going on in my life, and I shared it with a few people around me.   Well,  when my moment of correction came, it was so clear to me that it was valid, I was wrong, and I should change my behavior because not only was I creating negativity energy, I was in jeopardy of weakening my spiritual effectivness as well.

It is so easy to “Go off”,  complaining or arguing your point when you disagree with something or someone, but the thing I have learned most and would like to share with you all is; evaluate your feelings, especially  when you are angry or you feel very strongly about something.  Be sure that what you are saying or doing isn’t tearing anyone’s character down or affecting someone else in a negative way.  Realize that you have power and influence over someone else, if only your children, and what you want to teach them and others is not anger or to create cofussion but you want to teach them to pray when they don’t understand, not to complain and to always advocate peace.  Our opinions are not as important as God’s will for us to show love.  1 Corinthians 13:4-8 

Love is patient, love is kind, it does not boast of itself, it is not proud, it does not dishonor others, it is not self seeking,  it is not easily angered, and keeps no record of wrong.  Love does not rejoice in evil but rejoices in truth, always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preserves.  Love never fails

Correction is something we should never out grow.  

Choose your battles

When confronted with the dilemma of being right, or being kind,  choose kindness.   Believe me, there will be other opportunities to make your point  (if it is important enough) without confrontation or dispute. 

Pray for opportunities to resolve disputes, there’s no reason to deal with anything alone.  God is able to do that which we are not quite able to manage on our own.

Proverbs 15:1
A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.

Proverbs 17:14
The beginning of strife is like letting out water,  so quit before the quarrel breaks out.

Soft Lips

I have never been able to understand the level of complacency most couples experience once we say” I do”. We slowly but surely forget the euphoria of the days of dating,  how we spoke kind words,  how we tried never to offend one another,    Oh but now!  It seems as though our goal at times is to intentionally harm, to cause real damage to our spouses confidence (In the heat of the moment).   The thing is, that moment will pass, and we will more than likely regret the harsh thing we may have said. The fact is, we will never be able to take back the hurt, pain or insecurity we have caused. Sadly we are able to inflict pain because we have been privileged to know them better than most in the name of love.

The best practice is to try to always speak with love and kindness, so when strife arises,  and it will, we will be able to respond softly, kindly and with love, always considering our lived ones feelings.

A couple of Sundays ago,  I was blessed by Pastor David Jeremiah (television pastor), and then by a young gospel DJ (Willie Moore Jr).   He spoke the exact words as Dr. Jeremiah.  In marriage and/or relationships,  We must;

1.  Speak kind words
2.  Speak softly
3.  Speak lovingly

This brings about understanding, compassion, peace, and intimacy.  Isn’t that what we all desire?

We cannot decide,  “Lord I’m just not there yet”.  Instead, we should pray for Gods strength within us, to cause us to be able to live in obedience to His word,  and know without a doubt that with God’s help, we can do all things (Phillipians 4:13).

John 15:7
If you abide in me and my word abide in you,  you can ask whatever you will, and it shall be done for you.   By this God is glorified….

R.E.S.P.E.C.T

“You teach people how to treat you by what you allow,  by what you will not allow,  and by what you reinforce “.
Tony Gaskns

Although some might call it old fashioned,  I correct children when they address me by my first name as their parents do,   they must say Ms… To get my attention.

When I worked,  I had a loud, outspoken and to some, intimidating manager who everyone “tip toed” around as if they feared him, but not me!  I got to work on time, did my job, and I did it well.   I was known as a person of faith who was kind and who spoke her mind.  I believe that was the reason my manager and I had a great working relationship.  He took more off me because he respected me and it didn’t hurt that we were from the same area of the country,  NY and NJ.

People will sometimes mistake your kindness for weakness but don’t lose heart.   It is up to you to address or correct disrespectful behavior the very moment it is directed towards you.   If you don’t,  it can be “assumed” that you will accept any type of treatment or behavior.

If you want respect, give respect.  Most of all, treat others the way you want to be treated, especially those of the household of faith.  John 13:34-35