It is said that some things get better with age (a good wine, a well aged steak etc), but I add, they only get better with proper care, and maintenance. I’m 57 now but even as a young wife, the one thing I vowed would never be okay in my marriage was for us to lose our passion (not love) for one another, and I work very hard at making sure we stay connected. My husband has his way as well, he has always been active in making sure I’m happy and laughing. He is a “Joker”.
It really helps that I had great examples of a healthy relationship, with love, and respect from my parents., Yes! your children are watching and learning how to love and relate from your example.
I love to dance but my husband doesn’t like to so much (in public), so sometimes when he’s feeling it, he puts on a slow song and reaches for me, and I melt right into his arms. Yesssssss! 😍
I challenge you, think about how you used to get your spouses attention romantically. Why not start doing that (Yes! That!) again. A relationship grows old, stale, and stagnant when proper care is not taken to maintain, and to keep it fresh and vibrant.
Marriage requires a certain level of maturity as well as a lot of self control. It has not always been present in my marriage but it is what has kept us together for all these years. Once we both learned to choose our battles and not wear our feelings on our shirt sleeve, things got much easier . Now don’t get me wrong, real process takes some of us longer than others and to be honest, we may never really master it but if we get the basic premise of love and unselfish behavior down, life tends to change dramatically.
One of my local gospel personalities said, “Pride makes excuses but maturity makes adjustments”. Oh my goodness! How many times have you made an excuse for behaving badly towards one another? Well, maturity keeps you working at doing what is right, and less likely responding in anger, and definitely not intentionally being hurtful. Here’s the thing, we can not sustain change without Gods help and strength to change us, no matter how badly we really want to, it’s hard and we must always check our motives for the change.
Ask yourself, “Have I asked God to help me to change for me? “Do I really even want to change” then once you identify your reason for wanting change, go to your Heavenly Father, ask Him to help you with the process, ask Him to help you to love one another just as He lovesus, unconditionally. Now all you have to do is start behaving in love as you continue to pray for Gods help to sustain the change in you.
Remember, you may fail a few times before you get it, but “Practice makes perfect“ and you will know when you have matured beyond your own ability because you will start to give more of yourself than you may be receiving without much effort at all, you may walk away from confrontations instead of speaking in anger, and most things that angered you in the past may even become comical because The Holy Spirit will help you to see how childish some reactions really are.
“Love (charity) starts at home and then spreads abroad”
So, I recall a while back being very impatient with my husband, you know how we get and I may have been nagging him and complaining a lot about little things such as him sucking his teeth after a meal instead of getting a tooth pick or getting totally “bent out of shape” about how he always finds a way not to be wrong no matter what!!
Well! On that particular Sunday as we got in the car the radio DJ spoke as if he were speaking directly to us, “If you are happy with 90% of your spouses behavior then why not see the other 10% as being under construction”. In other words deal with him with the same measure of grace that our Lord deals with you daily! When we got to church the Pastor in his sermon said as if he heard from God on our behalf, “If your passion is not your spouse, being with them, meeting all their needs, then you are missing the mark”. I knew God had spoken to both of us in the span of one hour, and we both heard Him loud and clear.
We quietly committed to change some things with Gods help.
1 Peter 4:8
Above all love each other deeply because love covers over a multitude of sin (flaws)
I know Valentine’s Day isn’t a favorite holiday for some BUT!! We all love to feel appreciated, and we all love to be told “Thank you”, don’t we? That’s what you are saying when you take the time to do something special for the one you love. So, no matter how you may feel about the holiday, make it a point to go out of your way to do something special for them just because you love them, and you want to show your appreciation for all they do everyday for you and your family.
For most people, it doesn’t take a lot of money to show someone that you care, it just takes a little imagination. It can be as simple as a quiet moment together where you make a declaration of your love or a promise to be more mindful of them, a card with a heart felt message, a romantic candle lite dinner at home (you get to skip all the crowds, the waiting and the expense). If you can’t cook, get take out and dress it up at home. You know, set the table with plates, wine glasses, folded napkins, silverware, some candles and turn on some soft music, that’s it!! You can get all of that from a “Dollar store” if you don’t have it already!! Get your flowers from the grocery store, they are much cheaper and you don’t have to worry about delivery on Sunday.
My husband buys me flowers because he knows that’s what I like, and I usually cook him a special dinner because I know that’s what he likes. I don’t always expect anything and I know he’s not crazy about how expensive things get around these special calendar days, but he does it for me not for himself. My point is that you know your spouse, your girl or your guy, and if you sit down and give it just a little thought, I’m sure you’ll come up with something just right for them, something that they will appreciate. You still have time! Valentine’s Day is Sunday.
Now, if you didn’t know already, they will be asked, “What did you get for Valentine’s Day” or “What did you do for Valentine’s Day”? Make it your goal to give them a wonderful response to that question come Monday.
Love is not selfish, it is always giving, protecting, thoughtful, considerate, patient, kind……
1 Corinthians 13:4-8 “Love never fails”
Happy Valentines to all of you, and thank you
You know how you dread family gatherings because you always end up doing or saying something you wish you hadn’t, “people pushing your buttons on purpose” or so you think. You are not alone! But!! I have a suggestion that may help. Make up your mind that everyone is not like you, they don’t always do things your way, they don’t always like everything you like, and you can deal with anyone and anything for a short period of time. Learn to accept people for who they are, whether they are loud and obnoxious, totataly condescending or painfully shy. Actually, we are all far from perfect, So put your big girl and big boy panties on, bite your tongue, be patient and be kind. No matter how you may feel about that person, nothing which causes you to avoid or to mistreat another human being is worth holding on to.
Search yourself and be honest, are you using how you feel as an excuse to act badly towards someone, to avoid family or are you seeking attention or sympathy from others by how you act out during gatherings? Remember that God knows all and He sees everything. We will be judged by our actions and we will give in account for our wrong doing, Period! God gave His only Son for the forgiveness of our sins, so why do we have the right to hold onto grudges, or bad feelings against anyone?
Now, as we all prepare to be with family and friends this holiday season, it is very simple if you desire to change and to please God. Pray and ask God to help you to be kind and to show His love. He looks over our faults everyday and still gives us grace and mercy. It is after all, the one thing He requires of us the most.
1 Corinthians 13:4-7
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
There’s nothing better than a good laugh between you, and the one you love. I’ve always said that my husband’s sense of humor is one of the things which has kept us in love and together for all these years. He’s cute, and he’s a really funny guy, and yes, I’m a little bias (Smiling) .
If you are fortunate enough to have a loving, genuine, and honest person in your life, practice focusing on all of the positive they bring to your relationship, and less on the little annoying things they do. Look at it this way; If they merely annoy you every now and then, you should be capable of dealing with those annoying things a little better. We all must learn to be more tolerant of people in general, particularly if we love or, we are in love with them.
The “jokers” are easy to find in life, but the kings and queens are few and far between. Cherish them for the gifts they are.
“Hatred stirs up conflict but love covers a multitude of sin (wrong doing)” Proverbs 10:12