Tag Archive | communication

I Apologize 

So, I’ve been very impatient with my husband lately, you know how we get.  Yes, I’ve been nagging and complaining about little things like him sucking his teeth instead of getting a tooth pick and getting totally irritated by how he eats chips very loudly or, this is big! how he always finds a way not to be wrong.

Well!  Yesterday morning as soon as we got in the car for church the radio dj said, “if you are happy with 90% of your spouses behavior then why not see the other 10% as being under construction”.  In other words deal with it with grace.

 Then when we get to church the Pastor in his sermon said “If your passion is not your spouse, being with them and meeting all their needs, then you are missing the mark”. I felt as if God spoke to both of us in the span of 1 hour, and we both heard Him and we quietly committed to change.

1 Peter 4:8 Above all love each other deeply because love covers over a multitude of (flaws) sin


It’s a marriage not a competition 

When People of faith get married, the Bible says “we become one body” in the site of God.  Being “One” means, We win together or We lose together!  Nothing is just about us as individuals any longer.  

Let’s learn to work together, save together, cook together,  clean the house together, conversate together, live, love and laugh together, and even cry together.  That’s what growing together is!  It’s not how much more or less than you, “I can do”.  Do unto others as we would have them do unto us” Luke 6:31.  We don’t hold back or hold out on ourselves, do we! We do the best we can for us, so if we are truly “One”, act like it.  Selfishness begets selfishness.

Mark 12:31,  “Love your neighbor (that includes your spouse) as yourself.   For there is no greater commandment”.

Let “em” go

You could be rejected and not understand what’s happening.  So let me help you out.  When you keep reaching out, and they don’t reciprocate (return the gesture) it may be that they don’t want to talk, be friends, or communicate with you any longer.  You should understand that most  relationships are meant to be lifelong.   

Try not to be upset if you are being ignored, avoided, or even “unfriended on social media”. See your own worth and decide that you are going to be adult about this, and even be okay with greeting them with a smile if you see them in passing.

So have your moment of “How dare they reject me” then tell yourself,  If they want to go, let them go! 

1 Peter 2:4 ESV,  ” As you come to Him (Jesus), He is a living stone rejected by men but in the sight of God chosen and precious”

Let It Breathe

I know I’ve said it before and I will continue saying it! “No relationship will last without good communication”. I have come to recognize the older my husband and I get, the more.we are changing. If we are still adjusting our behavior for one another after 35 years, you must understand, especially if you are just starting out, you’ve got to “dig in”, and be committed to putting the work into your relationship which  it takes to sustain, nurture and grow a loving relationship for years to come.

Do not assume anyone knows how you feel, talk about what annoys you, what troubles you as well as your likes and dislikes. Work through your differences, leave no room for misunderstandings.


Let it All Hang Out

Times are so very different now than when my husband and I were dating, it makes me a little sad.   People hide behind lies or surface conversations, and you never seem to get below thier surface.  You meet online,  you text instead of talk.  Communication is vital, and face to face conversations allow you to see, instead of assume someone’s emotion from a txt msg.  Phone calls allow you to hear emotion as well.  Don’t allow someone who only wants to text, to get close to you. Their either not really serious or they have something to hide.

For your own good, take time to get to really know a person before you allow yourself to fall for someone you may think you know.    Don’t be afraid to ask questions you need answers to for fear of upsetting someone, that’s if you are dating for the purpose of finding a life long mate (marriage).  Involve God in your relationship, ask Him to show you all things that may be hidden, and then “watch as well as pray”.   As for yourself, “Let it all hang out”,  all of who you are, and see if they can handle the real you, especially if you know you have unresolved issues, issues that may have even ruined a promising relationship in the past (some things come only by prayer and fasting).  

What I am saying is, don’t be a deceiver and don’t allow yourself to be deceived.  The truth is always better than a lie.  So go ahead, and let them get to know who you really are!   And ask God to show you who they really are as well, after all,  the person meant for you can handle almost everything about you until,  even if a change ever takes place.  They could even be the reason you finally begin to want to work things out within yourself!

Proverbs 12:22 ESV   Lying lips are an abomination to the Lord, but those who act faithfully are his delight.
Proverbs 10:9 ESV  Whoever walks in integrity walks securely, but he who makes his ways crooked will be found out.

No Not One!

So, have you ever found yourself  being envious of the relationship you think other couples have?  Well, I have  but I also can’t count the  times I have been told ” You guys seem to have the perfect relationship” or “I wish we had what you guys have”.  “If walls could talk” you would see just how much alike we may actually be.  You have to understand that most of us put our best foot forward in the presence of others   We allow them to only see the best of us,  the happy, the fun or the affectionate part of our relationship while we are in the company of others.  So don’t allow envy of another couples relationship to destroy your own relationship because in most cases,  it’s not completely what you think it is!    

There is absolutely NO perfect relationship between anyone, and that includes me and my hubby. Ours like most, is a work in progress. 

Your goal should simply be to implement ideas,  language, and even activities, in your relationship which please you both, and which betters your ability to communicate with one another, that’s it! That’s a recipe for a wonderful relationship

Exodus 20:17

Are you listening to me??

You should always be able to keep it real with the one you love…..

I don’t know about anyone else, but when it comes to a serious conversation with my husband,  as I have previously stated, I am the talker, “the needy one”.  Soooooooo,  When I feel the need to have a tough conversation with my husband,  I also have the task of keeping the conversation going, and getting him to open up about how he may or may not feel concerning the subject.  It’s not easy, and usually after getting him to open up, I end up feeling bad for him or angry because he had a problem with me, and didn’t say anything. Yea, a problem with me!

Nevertheless! When you need to have a conversation with your mate, a friend or even your child (young or adult), choose a good time to have a not so easy conversation, It’s key and critical, then do it with an open mind.  Most of all, try not to become angry.  I know how hard this can be, because during those serious talks, I find myself constantly having to put my emotions in check.  If you find yourself in a similar situation, take a time out from the conversation to gather yourself, then go back to it after a few minutes or hours if necessary, with an open mind.  More importantly, Do Not allow yourself to stop listening or to become distracted while your mate is expressing how they feel,  in order to prepare a response to something you may have taken issue with.  Give your undivided attention to everything being said, and then if you need to,  respond once they have finished talking.

Talk often, talk about everything, talk about nothing, BUT most of all, listen to what’s being said and be sensitive to the needs of your mate, just as you would want them to do for you.