Marriage requires a certain level of maturity as well as self control. It has not always been present in my marriage but it is what has kept us together for all these years. Once we both learned to choose our battles and not wear our feelings on our shirt sleeve, things got much easier . Now don’t get me wrong, it is a real process which takes some of us longer than others and to be honest, we may never really master it but if we get the basic premise of love and unselfish behavior mastered, life tends to change dramatically.
Recently one of my favorite local gospel personalities said, “Pride makes excuses but maturity makes adjustments”. Oh my goodness! How many times have you made an excuse for behaving badly towards one another? Well, maturity keeps you working at doing what is right, and less likely from responding in anger, and definitely not intentionally being hurtful. Here’s the thing, we can not sustain change without Gods strength to help us, no matter how bad we really want to it’s hard and we must always check our motives for the change. Ask yourself, “Did I ask God to help me to change for me? “Do I really even want to change” and once you identify your reason for change then go to your Heavenly Father and ask Him to help you with this process, ask Him to help you to love one another just as He loves you, unconditionally. Now all you have to do is start behaving in love as you continue to pray for Gods strength to sustain that change in you.
You may fail a few times before you get it, but “Practice makes perfect“. You will know when you have matured beyond your own ability because you will start to give more of yourself than you may be receiving. Without much effort, you walk away from confrontations instead of speaking in anger, and most things that angered you in the past may even become comical. because Gods help, you now see how childish some reactions really are.
“Love (charity) starts at home and then spreads abroad” Sir Thomas Browne.
Considering the senseless act of hate that took place in Las Vegas, I thought this post would be appropriate.
A tragedy such as this one should cause us to reflect on life differently. Life is certainly too short to linger in bitterness, anger, unhappiness or disputes. We must Try not to sweat the small stuff, Forgivequickly and move forward. Live your best life everyday with the ones you love because the reality is, sickness, disease, tragedy, disaster, and even death can happen suddenly and we almost never expect it, but we have to deal with it, so ask yourself, “How would I want to leave things Forever”!!!
When God allows a “Storm” in your life, it has a purpose and He is going to be with you through it!
One of my favorite Gospel radio personalities KD Bowe Praise 102.5 Atlanta said recently, “It matters not so much what we go through but it is more about how we go through hard times that can either draw us closer to God or cause us to fall away from Him“. Hardships are a part of life but just as a young man I heard interviewed after the Houston flood understood that if God brought him and his family to this point in his life (The loss of everything he possessed) he believed that God would bless him to get through it. He didn’t sound bitter at all, as a matter of fact, when asked by the reporter what he was going to do, his response was “I don’t know but I’m thankful, then he said “God is good”. He was thankful and he recognized that he and his family were safe and were going to be fine, and I believe they will because he stood for the kingdom of God proudly and boldly in the face of what may have been his darkest moment as a young man, a husband and a father. His heart was pure in his in the midst of total devastation, and his trust was in God.
Gods word says “Man born of a woman is of a few days and full of trouble” Job 14:1, and as hard as it seems during those trying times, they are meant to strengthen our faith in God because we are trusting Him to help us through it, James 1:3.
So, yes it matters more how we go through tough times than it does what we go through.
So, I’ve been very impatient with my husband lately, you know how we get. Yes, I’ve been nagging and complaining about littlethings like him sucking his teeth instead of getting a tooth pick and getting totally irritated by how he eats chips very loudly or, this is big! how he always finds a way not to be wrong.
Well! Yesterday morning as soon as we got in the car for church the radio dj said, “if you are happy with 90% of your spouses behavior then why not see the other 10% as being under construction”. In other words deal with it with grace.
Then when we get to church the Pastor in his sermon said “If your passion is not your spouse, being with them and meeting all their needs, then you are missing the mark”. I felt as if God spoke to both of us in the span of 1 hour, and we both heard Him and we quietly committed to change.
1 Peter 4:8 Above all love each other deeply because love covers over a multitude of (flaws) sin
Don’t be so quick to say someone doesn’t understand what you’re going through. You never know what a person has gone through just by looking at them. People suffer in silence or they find ways to cope with their adversities. Never assume you know the whole story about anyone just because of what you see in this moment.
While standing in my kitchen washing dishes, and listening to gospel music, a song came on (Zacardi Cortez “God held me together) which reminded me of how the Lord has kept me. I began to recall things I haven’t thought about in years, all while knowing how intentional I believe God has been in keeping me for this moment in life, to be an encouragement, spiritual support, voice of reason or simply a listening ear for everyone He would send my way.
Just so you understand some of what i’ve overcome, my first real memory of how God has kept me from hurt, pain and even death was God delivering me from sexual abuse when I was just eight or nine years old, then a memory of God keeping me from being abducted on my way home from school one day, my dad showed up just as the guys had blocked me in and were getting out of their car. I remember him running with all his might (he was a big man). I also remembered almost being shot by a stray bullet while my siblings and I played on the street (an NYPD car chase). One of the most painful memories was when my dad who I know loved me from the depths of his heart had a nervous breakdown and my baby brother and I had to literally run for our lives, because it seemed that my fathers intention was to kill his family and then himself! My next memory was in my youthful stupidity, I tried recreational drugs (weed) and apparently my boyfriend at the time laced it with something extra. To this day I have no memory of that night (crazy right). I also experienced issues with depression early in my marriage while my husband was deployed oversees in the Navy. It was to the point that I contemplated taking my life and my baby girls who was in the car with me at the time. I was so lonely and angry that I was in the situation I was in but it was only in that moment I gave into the voices that told me to pull in front of a dump truck to end my pain and disappointment. It was that moment I looked over into my daughters sweet little eyes that I knew I had to live. God had a call on her and the baby boy I would have a few years later. God held me together for my family and so many others. Be encouraged, whatever you are going through is only for a season, It won’t last always.
Psalm 30:5 Weeping may endure for a night but joy will come in the morning
It is said that some things get better with age (a good wine, a well aged steak, a good cook etc), but I add, they only get better with proper care, and practice. I’m 57 now but as a young woman, the one thing I vowed would never be okay in my marriage was for us to lose our passion for one another, and I work very hard at making sure we stay connected. It really helps that I had great examples of a loving marriage as a child. Remember that your children are watching and learning how to love by your example.
My husband knows how much I love to dance but he doesn’t like to dance so much, so sometimes when he really wants my attention (you know what I mean), he puts on a slow song and reaches for me, and I melt right into his arms! Yasssssss!
You know how you used to get their attention? Start doing that again.