I was watching my favorite morning show when Toni Tennille of the 70’s & 80’s singing duo Captain and Tennille was on the show talking about what we now know was a very unhappy marriage. The problem was that for the sake of their careers and from the public perception everything seemed fine, they seemed to be happily married!
She recently wrote a book telling how and why the relationship is now over. She writes that they were married because her mother and their agent wanted it especially after they had a child together, so they did it. She tells how she was a very happy and affectionate person but her husband was not because of his difficult childhood. The thing is, she knew this before she said “I do”! Big mistake! As I have said many times, people are generally who they are when you meet them. You can’t change the fabric of who a person truly is. They are who they are and not likely to change, no matter how hard they may try. Only God can change us and that is only when we acknowledge we are broken or we recognize we have a problem.
I’m pretty sure I have told you guys before that even in my happy marriage, my husband and I revisit some of the same issues every 6 months or so like clock work, and that’s okay, that’s how we function because we are very different people. I love him so much because he has always been willing to work on those things which don’t come as naturally to him as they do to me (affection and social activity).
The moral of this story is, if you are making excuses for them constantly, take the blinders off! If you are in a relationship with someone who has ways that drive you up a wall or you says things like, “I think they are great” but… Don’t look over those problems or issues because after they hurt you, you have “great make up sex” (a no no as a Christian anyway), or “they are so good looking” (we look so great together), please don’t be this shallow concerning your life.
Weigh the pros (happiness, joy) against the cons (unhappiness, pain, disfunction) before you take the leap into what “should be “a life long relationship together, and above all don’t be desperate, don’t allow yourself to be deceived for the sake of having a relationship.
Life is tough enough, but life with someone who is not concerned about your overall happiness and well-being as much as they are with their own, would be very unhappy and evermore sad knowing you saw all the signs before you committed to it..
Go into every relationship with your eyes wide open. Ask God to show you those things which you can not see about or in them for yourself. Ask God to show you all things that may be hidden from you on purpose! If you are honest with yourself, we all know how to put the best of us on display in order to get what we want, don’t we?
Lying lips are an abomination to the Lord, but those who act faithfully are his delight.
You will know the truth, and the truth will make you free